Living Vicariously Through Your Children

Got kids? I don't. I have a motorbike, a music career, an advertising career and a selfish tenancy to want to wake up by myself on weekends (after the evenings activities).

But I was thinking the other day, if I do ever have kids what would I encourage them to do? Cocktail waitress? Oil rig worker? Both admirable professions but lack a certain amount of glory and fall-out benefits for yours truly.

And if you haven't figured it out yet, it's all about your truly. So here are some professions for anyone thinking of being a pushy parent.

Tennis Champion - Whilst the WTA tour lacks attractive women (if any), it does have it's perks with visiting movie stars and royalty at Grand Slams events. You'll mooch more tracksuits and tennis racquets then you could ever know what to do with.

Actor - Providing you can deal with your son or daughter living at home until their 25 and working in the hospitality field until their discovered, then it's only a matter of time before you're doing blow in the toilets at the Oscars. Big up, dogg.

Rockstar - Let's face it. We all want to be one and if we can't then make ourselves then make your kids play that 'god damn guitar' until their little fingers bleed. It's worth it just to get loaded at their gigs.

Formula 1 Driver - The height of sport and getting hot girls no matter how many Yellow Pages you need to see over the steering wheel. When you hear you child say 'But I don't wanna go-kart' I suggest you ignor, ignor and jam the accelerator on.

Adoption - Didn't get one that has the looks or has talent to go #1. No problem. Sell it and go on search for a better looking model in a 3rd world country. You'll no doubt pocket some green in the exchange. Win / Win.

So there you have it. The D'Marge guide to living vicariously through your kids.