Fashion jerk alert. We’re back again with the second edition of D’Marge’s men’s style sins. Last time it was the basics, today we have the sneaky ones which you may not know of. Hold on, it’s about to get frumpy. [Props to The Duke for sending a couple of these our way]
Men’s Style Sin #1 – Crocs
When you die and go to heaven you’ll notice two queues at the pearly gates. One for people who wore Crocs and one for those who did not. Crocs were born out of boredom and excess rubber, they become a worldwide phenomenon for children but adults somehow got sucked in along the way. Apparently they now make them with sheepskin linings. Brrrr.
Men’s Style Sin #2 – Southern Cross Tattoo
I’m all for patriotism, but the southern cross tattoo is a symbol which has a better affinity with rioting than Advance Australia Fair. Vote, pay your taxes, fight in wars but leave the southern cross tattoo out of it.
Men’s Style Sin #3 – Exercising in fitness leggings without shorts
This just kills me. Why guys persist on not wearing shorts over their gym leggings is beyond me. The last thing anyone wants to see when you’re jogging around the park is someone coming toward you with their meat and two veg jumping about the place. Do us all a favour and keep them covered.
Men’s Style Sin #4 – Shirt collars outside the jacket lapels
Unless you’re Chad Reed or up for an AVN award, then do yourself a favor and buy shirts with collars that stay inside of your jacket lapels. This look is a dead set giveaway that you were born in a caravan or at the carnival.
Men’s Style Sin #5 – The overstuffed wallet
A good friend of mine recently pulled out a wallet that was more stuffed than a Christmas turkey. I took it upon myself to purchase him a nice slim looking Ralph Lauren wallet which I hoped would solve his woes. Big wallets make big bulges in in all the wrong places. Buy a basic card holder and leave your Blockbuster membership at home.
Men’s Style sin #6 – Canvas Slip-ons
These are almost as bad as Crocs but have a slight redeeming quality in that they’re a disabled cousin to the Espadrille. The new wave of canvas slip-ons sees men take a futher step down the road of footwear mediocrity. These nasty specimens are poorly made, fall apart and get so dirty you think the people wearing them are homeless.
Men’s Style Sin #7 – Heavy Print T-shirts
Ed Hardy is dead, long live the king. Sorry, I mean the Chapel St douchbag. T-shirts with prints on the front went out of style about 5 years ago. They are now reserved for football players who start fashion labels and distant relatives who persist on buying you crappy birthday presents.
Men’s Style Sin #8 – High Waisted Jeans
Through the ages men have taken it upon themselves to buy jeans that accentuate their man hips. What’s even worse is when men decide that the full shirt tuck and or the t-shirt tuck is the perfect way to compliment their special jeans. Next stop, Wrong-town.
Men’s Style Sin #9 – The Big Headphones
Since when did being seen in public with MASSIVE headphones become cool? Do you really want everyone to know that you take your music quality seriously? Can you really tell the difference anyway? Do away with the big headphones, you are not in a studio and they make you look like Micky Mouse.
Men’s Style Sin #10 – Men’s Cargo Pants
I thank the good lord that these vile specimens are not in season, however there are still some foolish souls who dare to wear them. Cargo pants are without a doubt one of the most heinous kind of pants a guy can wear. They’re bulky, unflattering and unless you’re a soldier serve little or no purpose.