Pleasing 4 million people is no easy task, especially when we’re talking about the fashion of the world’s fittest, fastest and most flamboyant athletes. London 2012 is here and so are the best and worst examples of national uniforms. Today is the first day of this fantastic sporting event. To celebrate we’ve critiqued 19 of the best and worst Olympic uniforms. (Am I allowed to use the word Olympic? Or should I just call it Big Fucking Athlete Sexytime Party?)
Olympic Uniform #1 – Great Britain
White and gold. Need I say more? Someone needs to tell them that it’s the Summer Games not the Winter ones. Props to Stella McCarney for whipping up their track kits, they’re much cooler.
Olympic Uniform #2 – USA
Ralph Lauren can do no wrong. Double-breasted blazers, berets and sensible white shoes. Nothing says ‘You’re all fucked!’ like a beret and sensible white shoes.
Olympic Uniform #4 – Italy
Fucking Italians shit me. They ALWAYS look good, even when they lose a World Cup final. Giorgio Armani is a god and he knew damn well that everyone would be wearing white pants; hence why he avoided it. Shoes were a nice touch too. Respect. Forza Italia!
Olympic Uniform #9 – Russian
Russians are not known for their sense of style, so I was glad to see nothing has changed for London 2012. If you’re wondering what ‘Privet’ means, it’s Russian for ‘Make fun of me and I’ll shoot you’.
Olympic Uniform #12 – Netherlands
Suitsupply were the providers of Holland’s official uniform. I may be biased but I think it’s a winner. Smart, sharp and not too much orange. Separates were all the rage this year. The women’s overcoats in bright orange were unmissable during the opening ceremony. Hup Holland Hup.
Olympic Uniform #14 – Argentina
Argentina were on a very tight schedule. Once the opening ceremony was finished they were straight off to the local pokies venue to try their British luck in their new tracksuits.
Olympic Uniform #15 – Australia
They may look like they’re heading to Brighton Beach Bowling Club, but the Aussies looked very respectable on the night. There were no Kangaroos, Mambo shirts or Ian Thorpes to be seen. Noice!
Olympic Uniform #16 – Germany
Not known for their sense of humour, the Germans went for a pink and blue suit / puffa jacket vibe. Thankfully the men wore blue and the women wore pink, otherwise we couldn’t have told them apart.
Olympic Uniform #19 - Ukraine
And the worst dress team award goes to…. Ukraine. It’s like they read both Part 1 & Part 2 of D’Marge’s Style Sins feature as inspiration for their uniforms. Ugly shirts and collars on the outside of lapels. I just hope they’re good at sport.