Finding a woman worthy of the ‘Wife Material’ status is no easy task. In my 32 years, there have been very few occasions on which I’ve felt my friends have made the right choice in their wife selecting. A wife should be many things, but most importantly she should be intelligent, funny, honest and willing and able to whip up a cheese toasty while you put your feel up on the couch.
Wife #1: Diane Kruger
Mrs ‘Pacey from Dawson’s Creek’ is a hard one to not say ‘I do’ to. She simply oozes class and cool with her effortless sense of style. Most importantly she is friends with Karl Lagerfeld and would be able to get you cheap designer suits.
Wife #3: Jessica Biel
We like a can-do, go-anywhere type of girl. Jessica is just that. She’ll go for a run with you and kick your ass, she’ll pump iron and then she’ll tell you to fuck off if you ask her to do the dishes. Now that commands respect and a ring on that there finger.
Wife #4: Ivanka Trump
Her father may be a massive bell-end, but we like Ivanka because she’s honest and hardworking. Nothing like what you would expect from a rich girl growing up in Manhattan. She runs part of the Don’s empire and frankly she’s got all her woman bits in the right proportions and places.
Wife #5: Rosie Huntington Whiteley
Whether you think models are vapid creatures or not, you have to like Rosie. She comes across in interviews as down to earth and relatively unaffected by the bullshit that being awesome can bring. Add the fact she’s madly in love with Jason Statham; she’s giving hope to every bald man on the earth. Hallelujah.
Wife #6: Rachael Finch
Not all our entries need to be Hollywood starlets. We like Rachel Finch becuase she reminds us of the girl next door, only more attractive. Not only can she dance, but- more importantly- she can cook, as she showed us on MasterChef. Tick. A big pro is she can be close to open flames unlike her more plastic Miss Universe predecessors. Onya Finchy.
Wife #7: Christina Hendricks
We like a woman with meat on her bones. Christina has plenty of that. She’s our only ginger in this illustrious list, but we like her because she doesn’t care that her husband looks like he would blow over in a strong wind.
Wife #8: Sofia Vergara
Who doesn’t like a Colombian accent on a large-breasted, vivacious women? Sofia may be pushing 40 but that does not matter when you pronounce ’you’, ‘chew’. We think she would be great at a dinner party, just fill her up with wine and watch her go.
Wife #9: Olivia Wilde
Anyone who’s born Olivia Jane Cockburn deserves a husband with a better surname; except if your surname is Bolivia. Whilst Olivia suffers from a strong journalistic heritage, her constant opinions can be overlooked by her looks and talent. Sadly she does smoke, which means she would need to sleep outside most nights.
Fresh faces and a touch of exotic blood is always a fantastic combination when choosing a wife. You not only get spicey but you get nice too. Jessica Alba just seems like a lady who you’d happily lay in a hammock with until the motion sickness kicks in. The only downside is that women often end up looking like their mother. Kathy Griffin, are you my mother in law?
Who’s absent? Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan… Stay tuned for our ‘10 Signs She’s Not For You‘ article.