The debate continues to rage whether men should or should not take #selfies, so we decided to offer our advice on the cultural smartphone phenomenon. Honestly, I think Steve McQueen would be turning in his grave if he knew today’s men were doing this, but he’s dead so it’s going to happen anyway. Here are eight simple tips for making the most of your selfie glory.
Tip #1 – Become a selective selfie guy
Not every photo is ready for selfie immortality and the last thing you want is a reputation as a compulsive selfie taker. If you’re about to upload that photo of you in the car, as well as that photo of you eating a sandwich and that photo with your lawnmower then it’s time to get a Nokia 2110.
Tip #2 – Be aware of what’s in the background
Nothing spoils the selfie of the year like dirty laundry, open wardrobes, floaters and photo bombers (above). We recommend avoiding taking photos in toilets, messy bathrooms and bedrooms. Find a space that’s clean, respectable and free of assholes so you can shoot away.
Tip #3 – Invest in an auto timer camera application
If you need a selfie to show someone your fully sick outfit, then it’s best to free your arms to get the best shot. We recommend downloading an auto timer camera application. Most iPhone camera timer apps are free and will work a treat. Bonus tip: Find a well-lit window to place your phone and auto snap away with or without your cat.
Tip #4 – Don’t pout or pull a sexy face (or ‘Drake hands’)
Drake hands should be a lesson to all men everywhere that being pouty, moody, sultry or sensitive (kittens) will only increase your douche-factor to the power of 100. Either smile or keep a straight face when you’re taking the shot, because you don’t want to look like a contestant in the Miss World pageant.
Tip #5 – Keep your shirt on at all times
Blast your guns but when you’re done keep your shirt on and your phone in your pocket. The shirtless guy is a renown symbol of doucheness and should be avoided at all costs. This is especially true if you’re using it to catch skank on Tinder. This tip also includes selfie pose-downs and Biebergrams. Why Bieber always does ‘surprised eyebrows’ I’ll never know…
Tip #6 – Don’t tag your photo with #selfie
Don’t be like the other 16-year-old muppets who take whack selfies then proceed to hashtag them as #selfie. We know it’s a selfie, your friends/followers know its a selfie. Take it, post it and move onto checking every 3 minutes for likes. Yes, we know you do that.
Tip # 7 – Right time and right place
Not every occasion is selfie appropriate. We recommend taking 5 seconds to think about to consider the consequences of taking that photo at hospitals, toilets, brit milahs and funerals. Nan would NOT be cool with your throwing gang signs whilst she’s at the pearly gates in her pink nightie.
Tip #8 – Use the selfie to capture magic moment
Occasionally you’ll need to take a selfie to capture an moment too good to be missed. The instance of the illusive ‘man who drops pants’ at urinal is one of those must capture occasions. We DO NOT however recommend using mirrors to up-skirt or do anything illegal or creepy.