19 Best & Worst Olympic Uniforms [London 2012 Edition]

Pleasing 4 million people is no easy task, especially when we’re talking about the fashion of the world’s fittest, fastest and most flamboyant athletes. London 2012 is here and so are the best and worst examples of national uniforms. Today is the first day of this fantastic sporting event. To celebrate we’ve critiqued 19 of the best and worst Olympic uniforms. (Am I allowed to use the word Olympic? Or should I just call it Big Fucking Athlete Sexytime Party?)

Olympic Uniform #1 – Great Britain
White and gold. Need I say more? Someone needs to tell them that it’s the Summer Games not the Winter ones. Props to Stella McCarney for whipping up their track kits, they’re much cooler.

Olympic Uniform #2 – USA

Ralph Lauren can do no wrong. Double-breasted blazers, berets and sensible white shoes. Nothing says ‘You’re all fucked!’ like a beret and sensible white shoes.

Olympic Uniform #3 – France

I was hoping Louis Vuitton would have designed their uniforms. Everyone kitted up in brown and yellow LV jumpsuits. Sadly I was waaaaaay off.

Olympic Uniform #4 – Italy

Fucking Italians shit me. They ALWAYS look good, even when they lose a World Cup final. Giorgio Armani is a god and he knew damn well that everyone would be wearing white pants; hence why he avoided it. Shoes were a nice touch too. Respect. Forza Italia!  

Olympic Uniform #5 – Sweden

Got to love the Swede’s for their casual simplicity. Slacks (pants) and a rugby polo sweater thing. Colour choice, win. Good looking women, double win. Go Sweden!

Olympic Uniform #6 – Jamaica

Yah-mon. It’s a hard colour palate to work with for any designer. One false move and you’re a bumble bee.

Olympic Uniform #7 – Israel

Simple and classic uniform. The amount of people they will offend in this uniform is the same as the number of medals they’re likey to win. Zero. Mazel-tov.

Olympic Uniform #8 – Mexico

Walking piñatas. Smash them open and they’re full of cocaine. Lucky bastards.

Olympic Uniform #9 – Russian
Russians are not known for their sense of style, so I was glad to see nothing has changed for London 2012. If you’re wondering what ‘Privet’ means, it’s Russian for ‘Make fun of me and I’ll shoot you’.

Olympic Uniform #10 – New Zealand
Guys, you could have tried a little harder.

Olympic Uniform #11 – Spain

“Would you like fries with that, sir?”. The Spaniards are so damn good at sport, they’ll help flip burgers at McDonalds in Trafalgar Square rather than attend training.

Olympic Uniform #12 – Netherlands

Suitsupply were the providers of Holland’s official uniform. I may be biased but I think it’s a winner. Smart, sharp and not too much orange. Separates were all the rage this year.  The women’s overcoats in bright orange were unmissable during the opening ceremony. Hup Holland Hup. 

Olympic Uniform #13 – Belize 
Candy shop owners. That’s all I can think of when I look at this Jeff Banks designed uniform. Dick Van Dyke is currently buying a life supply of the men’s kit.

Olympic Uniform #14 – Argentina
Argentina were on a very tight schedule. Once the opening ceremony was finished they were straight off to the local pokies venue to try their British luck in their new tracksuits.

Olympic Uniform #15 – Australia

They may look like they’re heading to Brighton Beach Bowling Club, but the Aussies looked very respectable on the night. There were no Kangaroos, Mambo shirts or Ian Thorpes to be seen. Noice! 

Olympic Uniform #16 – Germany
Not known for their sense of humour, the Germans went for a pink and blue suit / puffa jacket vibe.  Thankfully the men wore blue and the women wore pink, otherwise we couldn’t have told them apart.

Olympic Uniform #17 – Czech Republic
Umbrellas & Gumboots. Get it?! England! Everyone’s looking forward to Summer next year in the UK, apparently it’s going to be on a Thursday.

Olympic Uniform #17 – Switzerland
Them crazy Swiss left their cows at home and went for a rather cool red and grey contrast. It’s a shame their flag bearer looks so fucking miserable.

Olympic Uniform #18 – Malaysia
Someone pulled a shifty on the Malaysian team and told them the opening ceremony was team fancy dress.

Olympic Uniform #19 – Ukraine
And the worst dress team award goes to…. Ukraine. It’s like they read both Part 1 & Part 2 of D’Marge’s Style Sins feature as inspiration for their uniforms. Ugly shirts and collars on the outside of lapels. I just hope they’re good at sport.

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