I get asked very often – “How long do I have to go out for before I’m awesome at meeting women?” Generally the timeline of improvement is longer than people think. It’s not about just going out to approach women; it’s about becoming a better person, a stronger man, the most attractive version of yourself. It’s about having more freedom, more confidence, being less needy and less attached to outcomes.
And that – takes time.
The common problem …
One of the main problems that guys face when wanting to become a ‘ladies man’ is that they rush into it, demand results in a week and get frustrated when it doesn’t happen as quickly as they feel it should. They think that by just going out, they will start to see tangible success: just like they read about, watched on YouTube or were promised by some shifty salesman. The reality is very different.
This path is, of course, not for everyone. In fact most people just want a girlfriend and don’t think about dating anymore. Awesome. Others don’t have the luxury of it being that easy, or they want more freedom, more choice, more overall skills. Again, that takes time – just like anything else worthwhile. It’s very similar to a stock market in that it rises, falls and plateaus – but importantly, overall, overtime, it’s an upward slope.
A general timeline …
The first month you’re a complete newbie. You have crippling anxiety about approaching, your few interactions are very brief, rejections have a harsh sting to them, you’re not sure what to say or how to say it. This is a very frustrating period and one in which many guys will give up. They like the idea of getting better at meeting women, but don’t have the gusto to stick it out.
By three months you’re a competent newbie, which is ironically, still better than most guys. Your approaches are going ok, you’re having reasonable conversations, you might even be getting phone numbers. This is where you start to feel your first changes. You start to feel more confident, and that you maybe CAN do it. To anyone else, you being able to approach women means that you’re awesome with women, but you don’t feel it because you’re not getting laid or going on dates. Your ability to read girls still needs work, most of your phone numbers don’t reply, and you’re starting to deal with some of the inevitable insecurities that arise. A lot of guys quit here also because the flakes (when woman don’t reply to texts or calls) are incredibly frustrating. But again, it’s another phase that simply requires persistence and patience to get through.
By six months you’re intermediate. Your numbers are texting back, your conversation is good, you’re getting some dates, you’re still dealing with some shit in your head but for the most part you have a handle on it. This for most is enough. A lot of guys get great girlfriends in this time and walk away from game. If that’s what you wanted, well done, you deserve it. Other guys want to continue their path or not get into a traditional relationship just yet.
By twelve months you’re advanced. You know that in order to get a date, really all you have to do is leave the house. Your life has been revolutionized. You’re a completely different person. You’re a leader now, people look up to you, your phone is likely filled with phone numbers, and despite being able to meet women with ease, you have likely realized that it’s your life overall that makes you happy, so you work on that also – which of course makes you even more attractive to others.
The takeaway …
This is an AVERAGE timeline of consistent weekly practice; everyone is different. The main point of this is to break guys out of the ‘I’ll just have to go out to pick up’ mentality. Above all, three things are required – patience, positivity and persistence. If you teach yourself those three things, not only will you get good game and have great women in your life, but it will set you up in a variety of areas. Those traits are critical for business success, health success, really success in any form.
So if you want it, know that you’re in it for the long haul. Don’t be like the 90% who try something new and give up because it didn’t work first time around. Commit to the effort and stick through the frustrating times. It’s worth it. When you’re an awesomely successful, and an infinitely more confident and happier version of yourself, you will be thankful that you did.