Do you know a certified jerk that needs a bit of a reality check this Christmas? Instead of telling them about their asshole tendencies yourself, why not say it with a book?
From how to fake sensitivity to the concept of ‘assholeology’, and legitimate self-help for jerks, take a leaf out of these 5 hilariously-titled books, perfect stocking fillers for your schmuck friends, shitty girlfriends (or boyfriends) and even your own son of a bitch self.
#1 Faking It: How To Seem Like A Better Person Without Actually Improving Yourself
Yes, this book was written by the professional smart asses of Collegehumour.com, but we think it could offer some real advice. ‘Faking It’ was written as a guide for post-grads on how to turn life into an ‘Easy A’ with little to no effort. ‘From sounding like an MBA, to bribing the maitre d’ and acting sensitive post-sex, this book is everything you need to know on how to bullshit your way to success’. The author reminds readers “The important thing isn’t you are; its who other people think you are.” Go forth, and fake.
#2 How Not To Be A Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide
Meghan Doherty’s ‘How Not To Be A Dick‘ shines a light on dicks everywhere – cutting in line, talking behind backs, reclining into seats, and trolling online. Packed with honest and straightforward advice, and even playful illustrations featuring characters confronting moments of potential ‘dickishness’, ‘How Not To Be A Dick’ is about seeking a better way to live your life.
#3 Asshole No More; The Original Self-Help Guide For Recovering Assholes And Their Victims
‘Asshole No More‘ proves that assholism is a disease, and should be taken very seriously. Aptly named author X. Crement, M.D. gives an encyclopedic introduction to assholism and steps on how to help recovering assholes become decent human beings once again. The book, written in 1990, has become an underground bestseller and before the blurb, states ‘If you can’t think of at least 12 people to give this book to, then don’t buy it (someone else will probably give it to you).’ Gotta love that honesty.
#4 Assholeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way – And Getting Away With It
While it might seem like it comes easy to some, being an asshole is apparently quite an art form. ‘Assholeology‘ says it requires the perpetrator to be cocky yet quietly confident, snide as well as sincere, sneaky while in your face. Better men than most have failed miserably. Whether you are over the top and need to tone your asshole tendencies down, or you’re a shy wallflower who needs to turn it up, ‘Assholeology’ gives you essential information on how to sharpen your prick skills, without getting a black eye.
#5 Fuck Feelings: One Shrink’s Practical Advice For Managing All Life’s Impossible Problems
‘Fuck Feelings‘ asks you life’s important questions: Need to stop screwing up? Feel compelled to clear your name? Hope to salvage a lost love? Afraid of ruining your kid? Harvard-educated shrink and author Michael Bennett helps you put aside unrealistic wishes, stop trying to change things you can’t change, and do the best with what you can control. It’s all about finding a new kind of freedom by getting your head out of your ass and yourself on the right path.