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5 Pointless & Awesome Things Men Need To Know Today [02.05.16]

Hold onto your big boy pants, it’s time to hit up five of the most awesome and pointless things the male species needs to know this week. From the most disgusting words in the English language to why men have nipples, your greatest mysteries will today be solved – even if you’ve never asked them to be.

#1 Fun Ways To Piss Off Siri

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Most Apple iPhone users will know Siri as the inquisitive and often helpful digital assistant who can answer any of your most banal enquiries. Little did you know though that there are a set number of ways to rub her up the wrong way. All it takes is a hold of the home button, some stupidity and a bit of personal digging and away you go. Here’s a few of them to try before she gets you back by unleashing your phone’s nudie pics onto the interwebs.

  1. Siri, do you want to be my lover?
  2. Divide zero by zero
  3. Are you Samantha?
  4. Lend me some money
  5. Do you have a boyfriend?
  6. What are you doing later?
  7. I’m naked

#2 How To Criticise Someone Without Being A Jerk

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Every now and then a man will feel the sudden urge to drag another human being through the fires of hell – without being incarcerated, we might add. The said person could have dented your Ferrari. They could be dating your sister…whilst dating your mother. Most significantly though, he’s being a complete jackass. Tact is imperative, hence these are the ways to criticise someone nicely before you go full Samuel L.Jackson.

Set Your Tone: Easy there, tiger. Your raging bull-in-a-china-shop tendencies will get you into more trouble than it’s worth and lose you respect especially in a workplace. Try opening liners such as “It seems to me that…” or “I could be wrong, but … ” or “I’m sure you’ve already considered this but…” And when all else fails, you have permission to unleash hell.

Use Empathy: Emotions is usually what gets people into trouble in the first place so injecting it more into ‘The Talk’ is futile to solving an issue. Negative emotions are usually associated with arrogance and a patronising demeanour. Empathy on the other hand allows for criticism with compassion. Again, the end result is that you walk out with a lot more respect from the person or your peers.

Use The Facts: Opinions are like…you know the saying. Everyone’s got one. When you’re in a position of power, yours is the most important but it’s also good practice to tell the other party why your idea is best with the help of facts. And by the we don’t mean the scapegpoat: “Because I’m the boss”. Tell them what’s wrong with the scenario and how it can be done better.

Focus On The Future: Criticism is a product of the present and the things that went wrong. How it’s handled is also a reflection on you as a leader. Being reasonable and talking about where the process broke down is a sure way to ensure this doesn’t happen again. That means talking in person and not grilling someone in public or in a group e-mail.

#3 Why Men Have Nipples

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The million dollar question of the century has to be this. Considering that men don’t lactate to feed their offspring milk like their mothers, many have asked why the male species even has them to begin with. The simplest explanation, according to Scientific American, is that all human embryos from the very beginning had them. When it came to evolution, the phenomenon didn’t get around to addressing their existence in the male anatomy. More specifically, nipples and healthy breast development have long been linked to the notion of female reproductive success, hence the evolutionary biologists predict that the adaptive pressure to wipeout the male nipple wasn’t strong enough.

#4 Most Disgusting Words In The English Language

We all have one of those words that make us cringe when dropped in casual conversation. Well now we’ve got twelve of the most hated words in the world due to their pronunciation and abrasive sound thanks to Thought Catalog.

  1. Moist
  2. Blog
  3. Lugubrious
  4. Yolk
  5. Gurgle
  6. Phlegm
  7. Fetus
  8. Curd
  9. Smear
  10. Squirt
  11. Chunky
  12. Orifice

#5 Craziest Contraceptives In Human History

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Sex is a part of everyday life and modern technology has allowed the human race to practically turn it into a sport without impregnating a significant other. It wasn’t always about pills, condoms, diaphragms and ‘the snip’ though. The human race has long had an affinity with preventative measures and contraceptives. Here are three of the wildest you’ve never heard (or never want to try).

Crocodile Poo: This particular byproduct was considered to have special powers amongst Egyptian and Indian women. The supposed mystical powers of the poo would be created by mixing honey with some sodium carbonate before inserting the solidified ball substance as a vaginal pessary. The acidity from the droppings as well as its alkaline properties sometimes acted as a spermicide with hit and miss results.

Weasel Testicles: The middle ages were indeed an odd time. Women there were under the impression that strapping an amulet to their thigh would prevent them from getting pregnant. The amulet was made from the testicles of a weasel, yes both, and bone removed from a black cat. This crazy concoction was topped off with earwax from a mule.

Coca-Cola: The world’s favourite fizzy drink isn’t just good at giving high blood-sugar levels to the masses. In 2008 it was found that Coca-Cola actually kills sperm – namely the Diet Coke variety. The high sugar/sweetener content would kill sperm in a test tube quickly but in a living being, the ingested carbonated drink isn’t able to kill sperm quick enough, hence making it a questionable yet lab-proven contraceptive.

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