Most relationships start with roses and sunshine. Deep-seated insecurities, skeletons in the closet and any extreme off-putting behaviour is carefully swept under the rug for the “getting to know you” part of falling in love… but months, or perhaps years down the track, and the reality of the situation (and the person you’re dating) is truly revealed.
Whether you’re becoming more and more resentful as the anniversaries pile up, or you’ve reached the other end of the spectrum and you’re considering a restraining order, we’re here to help you reclaim your sanity with 10 signs you need to breakup with her.
#1 She Is Your One & Only Option
This is just never a good start. If you’re terrible at meeting people and this woman is the only woman that you could possibly get, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t right for you, but it certainly isn’t typically a good start. A starving man will sure eat some shit food.
#2 You Feel In Your Gut That You Have Settled
You just know it if you’ve settled into something, or with someone, that you’re not actually really keen on. You have that lingering sense inside of you, and although it might just be cold feet initially, if that persists – she probably ain’t the gal for you.
#3 You Don’t Share The Same Future Goals
It’s all about creating a future together, right? So if you’re not going in the same direction, either she caves to you (hello future resentment) or you cave to her (goodbye goals). Ultimately you want to be with someone who shares the same, or similar, thoughts and goals as you regarding the future.
#4 She Has A Sordid Past
This is a contentious point, but one I’m happy to make. If you’re just a normal everyday dude, and this girl has a crazy background, psycho parents or boyfriends, etc. the chances of her being great for you are slim. Sure, some people grow beyond terrible pasts, but some don’t, so you need to decide which camp your girl is in. And you do need to be careful here – crazy girls tend to have what I call ‘the gambling effect’ which is where you get sucked into the drama and start feeling all kindsa crazy emotions. I’ve seen some great men fall to psycho women. They also are usually great in bed, which doesn’t help.
#5 You Look Forward To Her Leaving
Have you ever had a girl over and found yourself lying about things to do in the morning – an early start at work, a sudden lunch meeting, etc. just so that she would leave? Yeah – if you’re not looking forward to spending time with her, especially after sex, then that’s a fair sign that she ain’t for you.
#6 She Is Mental
Point blank – is she crazy? This can happen a lot, particularly when the girl is really attractive. Men will tolerate a remarkably large amount from a girl, just because she is hot. Is she nuts, insanely possessive, completely irresponsible, etc.? Well, are these signs of your dream girl?
#7 She Contributes Little To Your Life
This is huge. If you’re giving up random hookups in bars and casual dating, you want a girl who is going to contribute to your life, yes? So, is she? And no I don’t mean buying you shit, I mean inspiring you to be a better person, helping you with your life, growing you into a better man.
#8 You Actually Don’t Like Her As A Person
Again, the hotness factor comes into play here. A girl being hot doesn’t necessarily mean that she is for you, or even that you necessarily like her. Look beyond the looks and ask – do you like her as a person? Would she be a good mother? Does she treat other people well?
#9 You Aren’t Keen To Sleep With Her
Do you feel a strong desire to have sex with her? Does the sight of her naked still get you going? If not, move on. Otherwise you will likely be that middle aged husband getting busted on CCTV banging his secretary in the office after hours.
#10 Communication Is Sh*t
As cliché as it sounds – communication really is everything. If you can’t chat openly and move beyond the shit times, and you can’t chat to share the good times, what really do you have? In the eternal words of Christopher McCandless (before he died alone in a deserted bus in the snow) – happiness is only real if shared. And sharing means communicating.
Chris Manak is an expert dating and lifestyle coach who runs Manic Workshops.