Well it’s finally here. It’s hard to believe that our weekly wrap of the world’s most sought-after pointless objects have grown into a standalone series showcasing the best in tech and innovation that money can buy – and in many cases, that money can’t.
That’s the point though. Shut Up & Take My Money has never been about getting guys to buy flashy expensive junk they don’t need. SUATMM, as it’s known around the water coolers of D’Marge’s evil headquarters, is a place where curious men get to see what’s pushing the envelope in the world of tech. It’s all the crazy stuff we’d want in our rooms, our lounges and garages.
So for the 100th time, get ready to fuel your backyard banter as we take a look back at the twenty greatest man-made creations to blow your hard earned cash on. As Kanye always preached, “she take my money”.
Golfing just got a whole lot more exciting with the latest mode of transport known as the Golfboard. It’s a cross between a golf cart and a skateboard, allowing the rider to get to the next hole at speed whilst reaping the health benefits of standing – don’t complain, you are playing a sport after all. The electric-powered board is also compatible with most golf bags so you can shred the green in style.
Martin Aircraft Personal Jetpack
Dodge the mundane traffic and commute in style with rockets strapped to your backside. The Martin Aircraft Company jet pack has been in the works for a few years now but just recently received the green light to be sold from 2016. It’s intended for emergency evacuation purposes but we have a feeling the rich kids of Instagram will be rocking one of these in no time. The jet pack is powered by a 2.0-litre petrol engine which drives two fans to achieve sustained lift for approximately 30 minutes at 74km/h. Note: Being a fly guy doesn’t come cheap.
Samsung Galaxy Surfboard
Samsung are rarely ones to just let technology slip through the cracks of life and so comes the Samsung Galaxy Surfboard. It is exactly what you think it is: A surfboard with an integrated LCD screen which has a slot that connects to your Galaxy S7 smart phone to provide real time swell updates, notifications and weather whilst you carve up the waves. The Galaxy surfboard is purely a concept at the moment however Brazilian surfer Gabriel Medina did manage to break it in before it got taken back to R&D. If the product does come to fruition, expect people to quite literally be Tinder surfing.
You read right. Batman’s actual motorcycle from the Dark Knight is heading to auction and you could be the one with this tank between your legs. The bike was designed by the film’s production designer, Nathan Crowley and is only one of six vehicles built for the film. The custom made chassis houses a Honda 750 engine, Hoosier racing tyres and unfortunately, fake canons up front. Shooting slow cyclers you cannot. The sale comes with a Warner Bros. certificate of authenticity. To have it working the fluids, battery, fuel tank and throttle lines will need to be reinstalled.
Google Smart Mirror
Reinventing the wheel was so 1900s. Reinventing the mirror? Now we’re talking. Google engineer Max Braun has built a Smart Mirror – a device which combines a two-way mirror, display panel, controller board, Amazon Fire TV Stick and some lines of code. The result is a mirror which displays the time, date, weather and some news headlines as you’re brushing your teeth or hair. At the moment it’s still a prototype but you can already see the future potential of such a wildly useful vanity tool. Hashtag: Educated Selfie. Hit up Max to see if he can build you one.
The internet was thrown into a frenzy some months ago when Lexus claimed to have built the world’s first ever Hoverboard – a fictional levitating skateboard made famous by the Back to the Future film franchise. Well the future is indeed real and it’s right here, you McFly wannabes. Lexus, for all intents of marketing, have created the world’s first functioning Hoverboard and backed it up with a cool video campaign.
Camera drones are so 2015. In the modern age it’s all about what kind of assault weapon you can hook up to a flying drone that makes the news. Falling short of attaching a gun (which has already been done), Finnish Youtubers NoodleTail attached a chainsaw to a drone and sent it on its merry way to cut trees and icicles. A separate remote controls the chainsaw and the drone. Scary, right? No matter. Balloons seem to be its Krytonite. Watch the video until the end.
Hot Tub Boat
Ever wanted a boat? How about a hot tub? Now you can have both with the Hot Tub Boat. Sail past them plebs in their fancy conventional yachts as you down some cheese and wine in this awesome mobile hot tub. It can fit up to six of your friends (or porn stars if you’re Dan Bilzerian) and is powered by an electric motor to get you cruising at leisurely speeds of about five knots.
Rubber Band Machine Gun
Office co-workers pissing you off? You need one of these bad boys sitting on your desk. Not only is it a stunning piece of craftsmanship to look at, it also makes others respect you when you walk into a meeting room. Made completely from wood with an electric motor to drive the main mechanism, the gatling gun replica can hold up to sixteen barrels and fire up to 672 rubber bands in a matter of seconds. You’d think reloading wouldn’t be as fun but they’ve included a special loader to help cut down that time to mere minutes. The gun also comes in various grain colours and camo. You won’t have time to bleed.
DTV Shredder All-Terrain Vehicle
Anything with the word ‘Shredder’ in its name is bound to be cool. Like Ninja Turtles levels of cool. The same goes for this crazy new contraption in the world of personalised extreme sports. The dual tracked vehicle which is very much like a mini tank allows the rider to hop on like they’re riding a jet ski to demolish any terrain – mud, shallow water, dunes, rock trails. You name it, the DTV can traverse it. Max speed is rated at 40km/h powered by a 4-stroke engine. Direction is controlled by pivoting. We highly recommend you check out the rad video promo here.
Foldimate Clothes Folding Machine
Sick and tired of spending the weekend folding your own shirts? Let technology lend you a helping hand with the Foldimate. The intuitive machine turns washed garments into perfectly folded garments ready to be stacked away. It works by having a user clip clothes onto a rotating rack which then sends the shirt inside a chamber. A series of robotic arms fold these shirts and spits them out at the removal tray, saving hours during a closet clean out. It even softens, de-wrinkles and sprays your favourite cologne in the process. There is a God. Watch this uninspiring video to see how it works.
FusionTable By Aramith
If you’re tiring of the better half complaining that you never buy anything practical, then the FusionTable by Aramith will satisfy that pre-requisite and still probably annoy her. The beautiful veneered wooden structure includes rails to allow a pool setup to seamlessly slide out from underneath.
Foil Oro Nero Gold Skis
Aspen won’t know what hit them when you rock up with these insane 14K gold plated skis. It’s not all show though. The Foil Oro Nero Gold Skis are made using a topsheet of 8,000-year-old certified Bog Oak, layered with a graphite nanotech base. The core consists of Ash and Paulownia whilst bamboo is used as sidewalls with stainless steel edges. Talk about performance skiing. The skis are custom made for each client and offered in limited quantities. They’ve also thrown in a bespoke travel bag made of premium leather in a Tuscany hue.
EHang Personal Drone
The EHang 184 is an autonomously controlled drone much like the radio controlled units available on the market today with the slight difference being that it can carry one human-sized passenger. The Institute for Autonomous Systems granted EHang the green light to test the drone’s basic flight capabilities whilst also throwing its support behind the program to reinforce the airworthiness of autonomous single-seaters to the Federal Aviation Administration.
Deepflight Dragon Submarine
The ultimate two-person submarine segment has arrived. Requiring minimal training to pilot via its intuitive control system, the compact Deepflight Dragon can submerge up to 122 metres below surface. Quad brushless DC thrusters allow passengers to move forward, backwards and hover in one place with a lightweight lithium-ion battery life of six hours. It’s also very quick and under the sea and designed to cut through the water effortlessly like an amphibious F1 car.
We recently reported the inception of Zapata’s Flyboard Air and now the dream is almost a reality. The Flyboard Air has officially been launched with Government approval pending its mass production. It’s not due for sale in 2016 but with some modifications and a Guinness World Record under its belt, this can certainly change very quickly. The jet propelled craft carries one person and can fly for 10 minutes, whilst reaching over 145km/h. It can also reach 3,000 metres in altitude but that’s probably not the smartest thing to do. Soon, my pretty. Soon.
Cowarobot R1 Robotic Suitcase
Ever wish your luggage could just follow you around the airport by itself? Wish no more. Cowarobot R1 is the TSA-approved luggage case that follows its owner around without any human interaction. As freaky as that’ll look in the terminals, the luggage is actually rather intuitive, relying on sensors and a tracking bracelet to follow a user at up to 7km/h. When it’s time to be opened, simply touch the handle and the luggage will switch into manual mode. It can even find its owner via GPS or send an owner its location via an app. Watch the video below to see how this wild creation works.
Lexus Kinetic Seat
You don’t know cool office furniture until you’ve sat in Lexus’ quirky spider-web office chair. Due to debut at the Paris Motor Show, the Lexus Kinetic Seat concept uses a strong and flexible material called QMONOS (a synthetic spider silk made of protein which is spun like the real thing) as its back support which supposedly wraps itself around a load to provide unprecedented levels of head and back support. It’s also slimmer and lighter than any other car seat, making it ideal for future performance cars. Someone buy one and attach roller wheels to it already.
Onean Electric Jet Board
No waves where you’re from? No worries. Find your nearest lake or (sanitised) water canal and you’re well on your way to hanging ten. The Onean Electric Jet Board known as Carver requires no waves to get things moving. Simply hop on and let the 4400W dual-core brushless motors do the rest with a handheld control.
Bring the moon to your home with Luna Lantern, the latest interior lighting kit that will change the way you see the humble lightbulb. The ambient lighting comes in 7 different sizes ranging from 32-inches all the way to a massive 236-inches in diameter. The lights can be powered by either LED or Halogen bulbs with adjustable brightness to achieve the perfect mood lighting. Want one? Get in quick – they’re selling like hot cakes on IndieGoGo and the next shipment isn’t due until May 2016.