When our parents were young, dating was simple. There was no Tinder, no Bumble, no Raya, no Seeking Arrangements.
They went to school, they rode a bike, they drank milkshakes at the local diner and eventually married the girl next door. Soon after they pumped out you and maybe your siblings and lived happily ever after.
Today we’re just a bunch of spoilt Sydney and Melbourne (and any other city) brats. Men want model lawyers with shape, a sense of humour, a stable family and good child bearing hips. Women want…well, who the hell knows what they want.
Thanks to Tinder, meeting your one in a million is now much easier. So no more awkward openers in nightclubs like, “Excuse me, do you know how old Sandra Sully is?” – that was my favourite back in the day.
Be warned people NEVER look like their photos when you eventually meet. Expect people to be 20% uglier, fatter, hairier, etc in real life. It’s just how things work on Tinder.
Simply jumping on Tinder is not any guarantee of dating success or even getting a date in the first place though. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
We’re here to explain the do’s and don’ts of creating a killer profile that will hopefully attract Mrs.Right rather than Mrs.HowMuchYaGotInYaBank.
How Tinder Works
It’s all rather simple. Think of a deck of cards and as you flick through the deck each card shows you someone’s face.
You either swipe left if you’re not interested or swipe right if you’re interested. The same goes for the person on the other end. Once two people swipe right (I like him/her) then we have a ‘match’.
You’ll find getting a match will give you a quick burst of dopamine, which is great but you then need to woo the person with some witty repartee to progress to the next level.
Setting Up Your Account
Whether you’re on iPhone or Android, jump on their app store and download Tinder. It’s free, so just sign up via Facebook and you’re ready to rock and roll in your own love/horror story in the making.
Choosing Your Photos
The most important thing when choosing photos is to create a selection that allows the perfect partner to imagine themselves in your life.
Choose a good profile shot that’s only of you (no friends) – if you can, get a friend to choose the best shot of you. Remember you only have a split second for someone to find you attractive, so choose carefully.
As for the other photos, choose a selection which demonstrates you doing fun or interesting things. We tend to hear women saying they don’t like guys with their tops off in photos or posing with sedated tigers in Thailand…But we do hear puppies and adventure works very well.
Writing An Award Winning Tinder Bio
If your photos suck and you look like a potato then this part is less important but we recommend taking some time to write a few words to pique the other person’s’ interest. Keep it short, try and be witty as we know people like a funny guy. Avoid douchey comments or highlighting what you don’t like. You’ll often see girls saying, no smokers, druggies, dogs only, blah blah blah. Don’t do this, give the person little snippets so they want to know more.
Who wants to come puppy shopping? (insert dog emoji)
I’m driven and successful. I know what I want in life. I grab life by the pussy. People often mistake me for a model but that’s okay. Did I mention I’m a hectic kickboxer?
Paying For Sex, I Mean Tinder Premium
Those geniuses at Tinder know damn well that people will always pay for the prospect of finding love. Tinder has a limit of how many times you can swipe in one day. If you wish to blow that limit out of the water and swipe to infinity and beyond, then you can buy Tinder Premium for $24.95 a month.
Not only can you swipe forever, but you can also choose different locations and swipe as if you’re in say New York, Dubai or Punchbowl. Think of it as checking out the talent before you travel to those places.
For Sex Or For Love?
A question which has plagued mankind for at least 4 years now – is Tinder just for sex? We would say no. It’s for both. We know plenty of people who have met on Tinder and are still together two or three years later.
On the other hand, many guys simply use Tinder just for cheap thrills and quick sex. You’ll find these guys are brutally upfront about this. With acronyms like ‘DTF’ and common phrases like ‘Send Nudes’ you soon realise there’s a type of male on Tinder who just want to fuck.
There are women who think exactly the same but they’ll post comments in their profiles like – ‘Not here just for a quick fuck.’ Don’t be deterred by this, it’s just a way of saying ‘no dickheads please’.
Tinder Openers, Conversation Starters & Pick Up Lines
So you’ve matched and now it’s time to make the first move. We always recommend guys make the first move, otherwise you’ll just die wondering. Matches will stay there as long as either you or the other person doesn’t ‘unmatch’ you. Getting unmatched is a sign that they think you’re not right for them, so don’t take it personally just get on with your next match.
Our biggest advice is to not be boring. Sure, if you’re 6’4 and have model good looks you can probably get away with being boring, but if you’re a mere mortal then try harder.
Avoid ‘hey’, ‘yo’ or ‘wassup’ – these are shit. Instead, make a comment about something in one of her photos or ask something stupid like, ‘Are you a forklift driver?’. They’ll be thinking WTF and it will hopefully get things rolling.
Let’s look at some examples.
So, have you always been a chick?
Please tell me you’re not a forklift driver or have a giant dragon tattoo on your back?!
You look like someone who would own 10 cats
If you were a hamburger, which one would you be? (A tofu one isn’t an answer.)
Bad… but kinda good…
Is your bedroom always that messy?
Expert tip: If they don’t post a full length body shot it usually means your potential match is ‘cuddly’. Trust me, this has been proven on more than one occasion.
Keeping The Chat Going
One of the most important things in any relationship is chat. Good, fun chat. Oh and grammar. Shitty grammar will ensure the person on the other end will discontinue the conversation. Be fun, playful and a little bit cheeky. Avoid boring ass questions like ‘how are you?’ and ‘how was your day?’ – these are sure ways to kill a good thing.
Don’t try and get too deep in conversation, rather see if there’s a spark and organise to meet for a drink or something of the sort.
Expert tip: Self deprecating humour is good, but in measured doses. You don”t want to come off as a loser.
Getting A Number & Setting Up A Date
Don’t be a pussy, just ask. If there’s a spark, you’ll know and it will feel natural to continue the conversation offline ITRW (In The Real World). Just remember not to leave your conversation going too long within Tinder. People are not on Tinder to find a penpal.
TIP: Meeting someone on Tinder can be a bit scary so we recommend giving them a call before you meet to have a chat. It will relieve a bit of the ‘oh shit’ tension and make for a better meetup. Also if you chat on the phone and they sound mental you can bail.
This is fun but I want to see if you’re not a dude. Let’s grab a drink this week.
Let’s go for a drink. Would you like a Dicken’s Cider?
Where To Meet
Tinder can be full of creeps so be aware that you’ll want to be meet somewhere public. Arrange to grab a drink and don’t commit to a long dinner. Unless of course if this is a DTF (Down To Fuck) meeting then just meet at a hotel or home and enjoy.
Manage Your Expectations
Be warned people NEVER look like their photos when you eventually meet. Expect people to be 20% uglier, fatter, hairier, etc in real life. It’s just how things work on Tinder. In fact there’s every possibility that your date will have a wooden leg and an eye patch.
How To Delete Tinder
Don’t stress, if you’re worried about people seeing you or you’ve just met Mrs.GetMeTheFuckOutOfHere, then simply open the settings in Tinder and choose to delete your account. Once you delete your account all your previous matches and conversations will go to God and disappear forever.
TIP: If you don’t wish to delete your account but would like to be invisible for a while you can hide your profile and continue to chat to your matches. This is a nice way of saying ‘I need some time out, but I’ll be back.’
A Loving Conclusion
There you have it. Tinder can be a great way to meet people if you’re shy or just sick of clubs and bars. So give it a go, experiment with your photos and description and don’t take it all too seriously.