It’s hardly a surprise that envy is one of the seven deadly sins. Lusting after what we don’t have – especially when our mates have it in plentiful supply – can turn friendships into battlegrounds.
Sure, it’s normal for mates to get jealous from time to time. We all do it. But we’re grown-ups here, and think mates should be able to transcend the petty shit and leave the resentment where it belongs.
If you’ve been dealing with a jealous mate and aren’t quite ready to pull the plug, this guide will help you set him straight – because we’ve all heard ‘its not fair’ one too many times at some point in our lives.
Why Do We Get Jealous?
Good bloody question. Our in-house (but unaccredited) psychological assessment team puts it down to thwarted ambition. Maybe we’re conditioned to expect certain things: money, success, women, whatever.
When our efforts – substandard or not – fail to produce the outcome to which we feel entitled, we howl at the gods for rewarding others and ignoring our own laudable efforts. Jealousy ensues, and it poisons the well like piss in your Weet-bix.
Women (Or Lack Thereof)
Among even the best of mates, girls are a flashpoint. You see the group lady-killer who has no trouble cleaning up – shadowed by another hapless gent who tries every trick in the book but can’t close the deal. Next thing you know he’s angrily festering over creepy MGTOW blogs and taking it to heart (but really not fooling anyone).
Our Fix: Put him in touch with one of the girls in your group (not for that reason). We all need a bit of quiet advice at some point, and it’s most effective if it (willingly) comes from the fairer sex. If that doesn’t set him on the right track, he’s on his own.
But: Don’t act like too much of a match-maker. He’s not your little brother chasing his first shag (we hope) and there’s a fine line between a bit of brotherly help and patronising behaviour.
After high school, your peers won’t tread the same path as you, and success doesn’t follow a predictable trajectory. Some people end up in a corner office before they’re thirty and some people work their arse off yet take the bus until they’re sixty-five. It’s easy to see how this makes a lot of guys on the wrong end ask, ‘why me?’
Our Fix: Help him network and build a shoppable CV. It’s how most business is done these days anyway, whether it’s a quick polish of his LinkedIn profile or a coffee with a contact in his industry.
But: Don’t be too quick to give him a job. Friendships often don’t survive the workplace and what’s to say you won’t leave him in the dust and reinforce the jealousy you were trying to eliminate?
It’s a cruel world, fellas, and even crueller when you realise that some get (or are born) rich like it’s nothing while their peers never catch a break. You might think that that’s just life, in all its shitty glory. But that’s cold comfort if you work your arse off and watch your friends splash out on holidays, cars, and watches like kids at a candy store.
Our Fix: Think about monitoring how you flaunt your wealth. Sure, it’s your money, you earned it. But it’s easy to see how the group moneybags can turn his mates off with persistent demonstrations of what he has, and by extension, what his mates don’t have. Don’t be that guy.
But: Don’t give him money. Ever. Guys are independent, we need to feel in charge of our own destiny. Handouts completely undermine that. Plus, how much cash can you have lying around anyway?
Or Just Cut The Bastard Loose
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a decent bloke that wants to help your mates where you can. But there’s only so much you can do.
At the end of the day, you aren’t responsible for making your friend’s life fairer. You can help him, sure, but you can’t change him.
Don’t let the sooky bastard drag you and the rest of your crew down. Leg it and let the good times roll.