Instagram is a world of opportunity that largely goes untapped.
It’s also a romantic place, full of bold Mayfair filters and tantalising photos of insta-models out of you league. But what if that weren’t the case?
What if you could not only summon the courage to humiliate yourself, but actually succeed at talking to, flirting with, and asking out one of these divine merchants of good times and detox tea?
Asking on behalf of a friend of a friend, we contacted Simone Holtznagel, an international model with over 105k followers, to find out: (how) can it really be done?
We put her the most common Instagram equation: you’re a nobody with a puny follower count (100 friends, your mum, and a fake account you created for your dog), and you are currently following the girl of your dreams; but she doesn’t follow you.
Your short term goal is to get on her radar and get a “like”. The long term goal is to get a “follow back” (between single studs there’s no such thing as a platonic follow). The dream goal, however, is to show her that you are worth her attention in real-life.
Funnily enough, the answer isn’t dick pics. In fact this was the first ‘strategy’ Simone shot down.
“Dick pics—don’t work. Let’s get that clear. No way, never.”
Also, she says, “That’s not the type of guy you want to be with anyway if he’s sending pictures of his junk to random girls. I personally try to find their mothers on Facebook and forward it on to them.”
According to Simone, if you want your approach to work: don’t just go straight sliding in there. “Do a couple of week’s work, follow them, like pictures, respond to Instagram stories (NOTHING CREEPY).”
As for your tone, “The wittier the better.” Then all you can do is wait, trusting she likes what she sees. “Usually after a while of seeing your name pop up everywhere she will take a look (at your profile)”. So make sure your clever prose isn’t ruined by forgetting to get rid of the bio your drunk friend wrote for you.
And, assuming you get all of that right, your personality (and face) is the limit. So although it’s impossible to put a definitive number on your chances, it could happen.
“I’ve had this happen before, we went out once or twice and that was really it but I’d say that we are friends now.”
So, we’d better report back to that friend of a friend. In the meantime: get swiping!