Asking your girlfriend what you’re like in bed often results in being told what you want to hear. Asking your Tinder date what you’re like in bed often results in a diplomatic statement vague enough to be useless, but unconvincing enough to be demoralising (“uhhh, yeah… it was… pretty… ok”).
Asking your mates for sex tips inevitably results in 10 minutes of lewd jokes followed by one night stand stories that have no relation whatsoever to your actual problem. And asking a relative for ‘hanky-panky’ advice is just weird.
In light of that, we turned to Samantha X, journalist turned high end escort, who claims to know men, quite literally, inside out. These are her top three tips for impressing the woman (if you’re lucky, women) in your life.
There’s a fine line between being sexily confident and woefully uninformed. The solution? Ask your partner what she wants, then do it boldly. According to Samantha, talking is as crucial as it is hot; “Don’t assume you know what she wants.” And knowing your partner likes a certain ‘thing’ means you will perform better, without worrying that your guesswork may end up her group chat’s next running joke.
“Do NOT slap or pull her hair without asking her.”
Although a woman appreciates the unyielding nature of certain aspects of your anatomy, that doesn’t mean she likes everything hard, so, “Don’t go at her like a jackhammer.”
“Not one single woman I know likes penetration to be terribly long and terribly hard despite what you see in porn.”
According to Samantha, “Most women orgasm during foreplay… So do NOT keep asking her if she has ‘cum.’ The more you put pressure on, the less likely it will happen. Plus good sex doesn’t always need to end up with an orgasm.”
Keep Your Tongue Under Control
“Don’t EVER stick your tongue inside her ear. I have yet to meet one woman that doesn’t hate this.” You heard it here first…
Don’t Be Afraid To Show Your Emotions
Emotional repression may be a key component of British humour, but it is not (usually) conducive to great sex. Take it from Samantha, who has slept with a range of men, “From virgins to retirees, single to widowed, married or (those) who have open relationships:” no matter who you are, you can make yourself (more) attractive to women by—shock, horror—showing that you actually care about them.
“All the men I see do have the same thing in common though – they are kind, respectful and demonstrate manners. I don’t care whether they are fat or have two heads, as long as they have those 3 qualities.”
Work Out What You Like
Throughout her career as an escort, Samantha has learnt that most men, “Need affection (not just sex) more than we (women) could ever know.” The majority also, “Need to hear compliments and would rather please you (the woman) in bed, before themselves.” So go do her (and yourself) a favour, and apply this advice.