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A Gentlemen’s Guide To Bathroom Fornication

It’s a manoeuvre cringed at by some, fantasised about by others, and reserved for the bold few willing to risk all. It is the bathroom shag… and it happens more than you think.

The Art Of Toilet Tango

From the two feet showing under the cubicle, to the sheepish female giggle in the men’s bathroom, to the crashes and bangs from within the stall, bathroom sex happens somewhere every weekend. And as grimy and dodgy as it is (perhaps that is its appeal), this weekend, in trashy clubs and classy cocktail lounges alike, at least a couple of patrons will be drunkenly stumbling off to the bathroom together.

Although it has been some time for me, there was a period in my life when this was a go-to move. There was something hot about just needing to have a girl then and there. And I would always look for the same four things that would indicate to me that there was a fair chance that a girl was up for it.

Does She Have That Sexy Vibe?

This is the least obvious, and least practical, of all the things to look for, however it’s critical. After some experience out in the trenches, you will start to detect that ‘sexy vibe’ very quickly. Some girls go out for sex. Whether they’re trying to get over a break up or they’re simply horny, point blank – some girls go out looking for action. And if you’re the lucky candidate for the evening, you will see it – if you know what to look for.

It’s in her eyes, in the way that she faces you, in her vibe. There are pregnant pauses loaded with sexual tension. Regardless of what she is actually saying, her whole essence will be screaming “Take me”. Sometimes it’s obvious, other times subtle. But it’s there. And if she is in the throws of this hormone induced lust, then she will be much more up for an ‘adventure’ than Susan from the office who just came out for a drink after work.

Is She Willing To Be Away From Her Friends To Be With You?

A girl willing to walk away from her friends to follow you indicates two things. A) That she is very comfortable with you, she trusts you and she will follow you. B) That her primary interest for the evening is her own good time, more so than hanging out with the girlfriends.

Leaving her friends to follow you – be it for walk to the bar (my favourite), to go for a cigarette, or even just to sit somewhere and chat – tells you a lot. And you’re now in the leader seat, plus you’ve established some privacy. It’s compliance testing 101: asking someone to do something in order to test how willing they are to do it. If she is happy to follow you around the bar, then she’s much more likely to happily follow you, hand in hand, to the bathroom.

Are You Able To Touch Her & Vice Versa?

Touch is a huge indicator of her interest in you. This breaks into two parts. 1) is she touching you? and 2) is she reciprocating your touch (i.e. when you touch her, is she comfortable with it, and touching you back)? And are those touches in more intimate regions than her shoulder or arm – perhaps the lower back or leg? If there was ever an indicator that a girl is ready to go, this is it.

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Does She Kiss You?

Bathroom SexKissing is not an absolute requirement at this point, but it is a fair indicator that she is into you and that she is not hugely concerned about what other people think. If she hesitates to kiss you in a bar, what are the chances that she will go with you to the bathroom? Likely slim.

How To Go About It

Bathroom SexIf it’s on, and you feel that it’s on, just say something like “Come with me” with a cheeky smile and take her by the hand. Ask her if she is feeling adventurous, or even just “I want you, follow me”, perhaps “Let’s go somewhere private”. What’s most important is that you take the lead on this.

Note: opt for the disabled bathroom if possible, they’re cleaner and more spacious. And obviously, lock it. I’ve had more than one security guard come busting in on me.

The Take Home

Whether it’s for you or not, it’s certainly an adventure, and certainly makes for a good story. And before you say it – what kind of woman would get frisky with you in a toilet? Well, a model, a dentist, a navy officer, a sales manager, a pilot – these were some who did with me. You never know who might just want to get down on it and be a little dirty.

Chris Manak is an expert dating and lifestyle coach who runs Manic Workshops.

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