The Playbook For The Modern Man

Men Reveal What Really Stops Them From Committing To A Relationship

“It’s not me, it’s you…”

The modern bachelor has to juggle two age-old expectations in the world of romance. The first of which comes from his mates (and most pop culture, from Shakespeare to Ian Flemming), which dictates the more you play the field the more attractive you are—to both sexes.

As we all love hearing our single friends’ sordid stories, and as dating makes you better (or at least, less incompetent) at… dating, this is hard to deny.

However, there is a contrary expectation coming from your parents, grandparents, and—shock, horror—some of the women you are dating, that you will settle down at some point.


As women’s website Elite Daily recently admitted, there are a whole lot of chicas out there sick of hearing guys’ lame excuses as to why they can’t make themselves available for anything more than a 2am flight of fancy.


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In light of this, we thought we’d consult the world’s largest repository of male wisdom (Reddit) to discover why men run for the hills at this crucial juncture.

Fortunately, there is a thread dedicated to this very topic, where guys of all ages discuss what holds them back from a relationship, and what it takes for these feelings to be overcome.

We also hit up Thought Cataloguewhich has an illuminting article on this topic, too.

From feeling too much pressure to be single (and thinking deep down you can maybe do better) to not being that attracted to the individual who was hoping to couple up (and not wanting to tell them that straight up), these are the real reasons we blame daylight savings for being unable to commit.

We Are Legitimately Too Busy

While this is the most maligned excuse in the book, sometimes a man has too much going on in his life to give a relationship the respect it deserves, and so decides not to get into that relationship at all. This is even more likely to happen in instances when he is about to go through a major life change (i.e. last year of uni).

As one man anonymously admitted in an open letter on Thought Catalogue, “I am graduating soon. I will have a career and a new chapter of my life starting. Not being selfish, but I am going to need to focus on me. Long days, train rides and trying to impress co-workers is going to take its toll on me. I am not going to have much to give into a relationship.”


“When I want to be in a relationship I want to give you 200% because that’s what you deserve, and that’s what I want to give to you. But I can’t. And I know you’re hurt in this situation, but know I am hurting a little too.”

We Want To Keep Our Options Open

The following excerpt from the same Thought Catalogue letter perfectly illustrates this: “It’s my last year of college. I don’t necessarily want to mess around with other girls, but I don’t want to have any worries or cares when I’m out at the bar. Shit happens. A few too many shots, some girl comes over and dances with me, and BAM.”

“She spends the night, and if we’re dating that’s cheating. I don’t want to be a cheater. Yeah we’re basically together, but then again, we’re not. And I let you know where I stand on the issue and give you the option to take it or leave it.”

It’s not all grey skies though, with one Reddit user explaining how if this is the case, just keep looking: “How do you commit to being monogamous? If you’re smart you find the person you want to commit to and who wants to commit to you, who you feel safe committing to.”

“Yes temptation is everywhere, but if it’s right you and your partner will prioritize your relationship above any fling.”

We’re Just Not That Into You

One of the harsh truths rejected men and women everywhere have to accept is that sometimes there is no grandiose reason for your casual partner’s disappearance. They were ready for a relationship; just not with you.

You Remind Them Of Bad Past Experiences

“Whether it has been you, my ex’s, or a combination; there’s things I have seen, and you have done that keep me hesitant on dating you,” (Thought Catalogue).

“Sure, everyone gets drunk and acts stupid sometimes. But you make it a habit a little too much. Like sure, the first time, maybe the second time you hit me with 18 calls in one night is whatever, but when it keeps happening it’s a turn-off.”

We Have A Sneaking Suspicion We Can Do Better

As one woman unfortunately discovered, despite her partner claiming to love her, he admitted he couldn’t help but think—if he had the opportunity—he would go out with someone he found more attractive. Fortunately, the good people of Reddit (seemed to) convince he she too could do better: much better…

We Like Hanging With You, But Worry How Dating You Will Affect Our Reputation

See: Avril Lavigne, Complicated

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