We’ve all been there. Staring nervously at our luggage rolling through the airport security scanner as authorities do double takes of your personal contents. Did they find something I wasn’t aware of? Did your buddies “accidentally” place a phallic shaped instrument in there? Whatever it is, it’s probably not as intriguing as some of the stuff these airport security officers of Reddit have encountered on the frontline of commercial flying.
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Whilst many of the flagged objects these authorities discovered were random, it’s their accompanying tales that make them something to behold. Take this first example. Spoons are nothing suspect but when one security officer noticed an entire bag packed with varying spoons, he had to conduct a duty of care to see what the story was. His kinky suspicions were swiftly answered.
“Saw a bag filled to the brim with all different types of spoons. Pulled it aside, asked the passenger what the deal was…he looked me straight in the face and says he uses them to spank his wife in bed. It’s their sex spoons.”
Not all of these flagged security items are bedroom related though. One security officer noted multiple oddball items that even included a severed head.
“Hunter returning from Canada with some unlicensed kills,” said Reddit user Keplar. “Un-prepped and still bleeding severed musk-ox heads wrapped in plastic. Whole baggage system for half the airport had to be shut down and cleaned, along with a couple of our machines.”
Other sightings included and elderly woman scanning through a sword cane who had no idea it was a sword cane.
“Her son was a service member and had sent it to her from the Philippines without mentioning what it was.”
Then there was a couple headed up to Alaska with a sink, “complete with plumbing attached, in a large duffle bag”. That doesn’t come close to one particular arms dealer though who tried to check in an automatic grenade launcher built out of clear polycarbonate. The security officer discovered that it was so the dealer’s customers could see the weapon’s inner-workings.
“Would have been fine, if it hadn’t been undeclared and accompanied by a small box of grenades.”
Then of course there’s the purely delusional whom security have also noted. One particular female passenger was screaming the whole time her bag was getting scanned.
“She was screaming that x-rays weren’t real, and there was a midget in the machine going through her bag to steal things,” explained one security officer.
As a precautionary tale, airport security say that if you’re still wearing money belts through scanners in fear of thievery, you’ll be flagged.
“Every time they fly internationally they strap themselves with a money belt under their clothes instead of just putting their money in their hand luggage,” explains one security guard.
“They get taken aside and searched every single time, because it obviously looks suspicious as fuck, but when I say, ‘Hey, why not just put it in your bag and you won’t get searched?’ They say ‘no’ because they think that someone will open their bag, find the money, take it out, close the bag again, and somehow run away in the time it takes to put the bag through security.”
Other noted oddities of the morbid nature include a dead squirrel stuffed in a bottle of soda, and a real human skull – the passenger claimed to be a brain surgeon and used it as a teaching aid. You’ve officially been warned.