Let’s face it. No man ever wakes up looking like a Chris Hemsworth or Michael B. Jordan. Unless you’re one of those lucky bastards who’ve been blessed with million dollar genes and a dedicated grooming regime to keep appearances up, most guys are on the whole quite average looking.
Today we’re talking about genetically blessed men and how to fake it til you make it if you’ve been caned by the ugly stick.
Put your pitchfork down, McLovin. We’re not advocating a John Travolta/Nicolas Cage-style face transplants. These are the expert hacks the modern man can use to improve their physical appearance.
Watch and learn, future pretty boy.
Shave & Wash Regularly
Shaving is by far one of the easiest and most effective ways to drastically change a man’s outward appearance. It’s also one of the easier routines to neglect due to more pressing issues and the fact that you think you can get away with the “rugged” look for a month. Don’t be that guy – there’s a difference between masculine-rugged and Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
If you suffer from irregular hair growth and patchy facial hair, do as the experts say.
“If it was really patchy, go clean shaven,” says Renée Baltov of one of Sydney’s finest men’s barbershops, Barberhood. “But if you can do stubble, keep it neat and trimmed. This will mask the patchiness and make it less noticeable.”
And never forget to wash both before and after a shave. This will ensure the skin’s pores stay clean, oil-free and unclogged. Not practicing this could lead to acne outbreaks and other unsightly blemishes.
Getting Rid Of Wrinkles
Ah, this old chestnut. Whether you like it or not all men will eventually form wrinkles most commonly on the forehead, hands or around the eyes. There are endless ways to treat wrinkles these days but the best is via a multi-modality treatment – that is, trying various treatments at once.
Dr. John Romano who is the Medical Director and leading plastic surgeon at Medspa29 says that the most effective deterrent is prevention. That means no smoking or other tobacco use, and sun protection.
“Next you’ll need a good medically based skin care including topical products and MICROdermabrasions. Moving beyond that, if the wrinkles are caused by muscle action, the treatment is Botox or another neuromodulator.”
Other injectable treatments men can try is filler. There are numerous types of filler to suit an individual’s wrinkle problem so it’s important to check with a professional beforehand to guide you to the right type. If you go down the filler route, the next consideration moves onto resurfacing.
“Resurfacing means to create a superficial injury akin to a first-degree or superficial second degree burn injury. In the process of healing this injury, your skin is restored,” says Romano.
“This kind of treatment can be accomplished with lasers, CO2, or chemical peels of varying types of acids and also varying strengths. An older method is to do a dermabrasion (not a MICROdermabrasion, but a full dermabrasion).”
Alternatively, keep track of the signs that your skin is ageing and act before it takes complete control.
Australians love the sun just as much as any country with a decent beach to burn away hours on. Lest we forget, a man’s skin is also burning at the same time. Sunspots are really just hyperpigmentation, according to the experts.
The treatments available for hyperpigmentation include the same treatments for dark circles around the eyes with the addition of IPL which stands for intense pulsed light.
Again, preventative measures are the best defence here so if you’re spending a lot of time outdoors, cover up sufficiently and always have that maximum SPF sun block handy.
Dark Circles & Eye Bags
No one wants to rock up to a date or formal engagement looking like you’ve been beaten up by your partner – twice.
For a quick-fix to dark circles, raid your missus’ make-up drawer for some natural skin-coloured concealer. The ladies have sworn by it for ages, using it to cover up imperfections including dark circles and pimples. They come in easy to carry sticks, pots, tubes and wands and work simply by dabbing it onto the affected area before being blended into the skin.
On an intrinsic level, dark circles are much harder to solve since the dark pigmentation around the eyes is usually is of genetic origin.
“The treatment modalities available are number one,” says Dr. Romano. “That’s skin care with hydroquinone, a skin bleacher. Following this would be treatments such as chemical peels and then CO2 laser resurfacing.”
For men who suffer from prominent eye bags, Dr. Romano adds that injecting a filler is the best option.
Acne & Scarring
Your teenage years may be well behind you but the scars it has left on your face probably isn’t doing you any favours in the Tinder game.
Treating acne aggressively is the best way to prevent scarring in the first place. Once the scars are there, it’s not easy to ‘fix’ since there’s already damage to the skin itself.
“Scarred tissue is thinner than the normal skin and therefore is depressed,” explains Dr. Romano. In lighting situations, shadows can cause these scar depressions to be more prominent so the best way to combat that is by either raising the deeper scar tissue or lowering the higher normal skin around it.
Dr. Romano says that numerous treatments men can try include subcision, excision, injections, laser resurfacing, and dermabrasion. The treating physician is the best person to speak to in regards to the best treatment for you.
If all else fails, the aforementioned natural skin coloured concealer is your friend.
Clean Your Teeth
We’ve left one of the most basic points til the end. No one wants to lock lips with a man who has a month’s worth of food stuck in his teeth. Even worse, if you’ve left it too late and staining is occurring, it’s time to take action. There are multiple ways to lighten your precious pearlies.
The easiest is of course a clean from your dentist (besides the obvious brushing and flossing). Regular checkups and cleans can prevent further damage to a man’s biters. If the stains are persistent, go for an intensive in-office whitening procedure.
There’s also a plethora of tried an tested home whitening kits these days which can offer solid results for much less money. Do your research to ensure you grab the right one that’ll give you more results and less gimmicks.
Time To Lift
One of the most unattractive features in a man’s overall body shape is due to his lack of exercise and weight training. Unlike the other pressing issues here, there is no silver bullet.
There is however a set of dumbbells and a gym membership, both of which are easily attainable. Besides helping you mentally, training can improve your physique drastically and have you fitting into clothes that contour nicely to your body’s lines. Just be careful not to over do it as this could lead to gym addiction.
The Expert Says…
“In general, the three keys to a good life are diet, exercise, and stress reduction.” says Dr. Romano.
“These modalities should be employed to look your best. In addition the other obvious ones are don’t smoke and don’t get too much sun exposure. Beyond that, good medically based skin care is appropriate for everyone, especially those in the high Sun areas like Australia.”
The Realist Says…
“Only go to masked parties like in Eyes Wide Shut,” says Australian comedian and sometimes model, Ash Williams.
His other top tips for ugly men?
- Only go out in candle lit situations. Everyone looks good in candle light situations
- Get a friend uglier than you – it’s all relative!
- Grow a really long beard. One that covers your entire face