Is it immoral to play the field when you are single, or a reality of life? This dating trend has people confused.
If you haven’t spent much time dating; it’s unlikely you’ll be very confident at it. But never fear: there are a host of wild and wonderful dating trends out there just to make sure your search for love isn’t boring.
Enter: houseplanting. And — unlike paperclipping or ghosting — houseplanting could actually help you find a serious relationship (apparantly).
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Coined in the comments of New York social illustrator Violet Clair’s above Instagram post, housplanting sparked debate among her 128k followers about what it’s like to date in a world of “f***bois” and omnipresent dating apps.
While some maintained that houseplanting is a violent enough infraction against politeness to earn the houseplanter a “boi bye” from the houseplantee (as seen by the various comments in which these kind of men are referred to as “limp noodles”), evidence from Reddit’s r/dating advice forum suggests there are more benefits to houseplanting (otherwise known as playing it cool) than meets the eye.
Posted in response to the oft-repeated claim that, “if you’re seeing multiple people at the same time, do not be an asshole and then justify your behaviour as, ‘But I’m single'”, one savvy commenter shed some much-needed light on the matter.
“Okay so my two cents…when I started dating on Tinder and Bumble, etc, over a year ago, I found literally every single guy I went on dates with, even if it led to second, third and 4th dates, were still seeing other girls or actively messaging other girls on the app while I was only talking to them, giving them all of my attention, and I was constantly getting hurt over and over again.”
“So eventually I tried what they were doing,” she continued, “and I started ‘playing the field’ and I’d schedule a couple dates a week with two different people.”
“I found while I was doing this that I came off as less needy in the beginning because I had 2 guys to talk to and I wasn’t focusing all of my attention on one person. Now, I’m different in the sense where when I get to the 3rd date with someone, maybe the 4th or 5th, is kind of when I want to start being exclusive, because I find if you’re not, are you really giving them a fair chance?”
Moral of the story? If you want as many dates as possible giving you a chance, then seeing multiple people at once (which may involve a little bit of houseplanting) may help you achieve that (by not only helping you come across as less desperate, but also making you feel less desperate).
Of course, there is a grey area where you have to decide whether you are going to take one of your connections to the next level — a moment many people believe you should become exclusive, even if it hasn’t been spoken about, in order to give that potential relationship the most fertile soil possible.
If you are yet to reach this stage, however, and are simply looking to accumulate as many suitors as you can, here are five (relatively) foolproof ways to find the balance between playing it cool and being communicative (i.e. not going full houseplant).
Be Upfront
As Elite Daily suggests: “there are plenty of things to do on a first date to improve [your] chances…and it starts with making certain that the two of you are on the same page.”
“Just message your match, and tell them you’re looking for a good time. Ask them if they’re up for a drink. Say you’re not looking for anything serious. Most likely, they’ll be refreshed by your honesty.”
Drop Hints
Elite Daily also suggested you pay your date compliments throughout the night: an important yet often overlooked (or awkwardly done) aspect of social interaction.
“Compliment them on the way they look; let them know that you’re attracted to them. Be unabashed about paying attention to them, because really, what do you have to lose? The worst case scenario is you’ll never see them again.”
Talk About Sex
We’ll let Elite Daily explain this one:
“Talk about what you like. Share funny sex stories. Be respectful about past partners and their privacy, but don’t be shy. When you talk about sex, you and the other person are basically imagining one another having sex. If they’re as into it as you are, then that’s a great sign,” (Elite Daily)
Put The Effort In
If you neglect your relationships, much like a houseplant, they’ll wither and die.