Superyachts. Ferraris. Mouth-melting wine. Caviar. You might think you’re impressing your date with your bank balance but you could also be wrong.
Why? Well, despite the stereotype goes that women prefer guys with dinero, it turns out a more humble first date may be more attractive.
How so? Allow sexologist, relationship expert and host of the podcast “Sex & Life” Nikki Goldstein to explain.
“We all know people out there who might be a bit cashed up and know that if they flaunt it a bit they can get the girls. These guys spend a lot of time trying to win these girls over with gifts and expensive experiences but there is a common issue of low self-esteem under that, so there is this period of proving themselves and their worth before they have sex.”
However, “If a guy is more focussed on just straight forward dating and hooking up, he might have a better chance at sex,” she adds, “Nothing to prove as such. I think the intention of sex sometimes is more direct and clear rather than game playing that might come with a bit more money.”
We then spoke to Chris Manak, one of Melbourne’s leading dating coaches, to get his take.
“People are attracted to those who are slightly above them on the social [not neccessarily financial] hierarchy. So if a guy meets a girl and just starts throwing money at her; what does that say on a subconscious level?”
“Even though he may have more money, he values her more than he values himself,” Chris adds, suggesting that taking your date on lavish excursions may position you in their mind as more of as a stuffy “husband” type figure than a lover.
The honesty involved in taking your date on a more humble date (and being upfront about who you are) could also be another reason for this ‘sexy poor’ (think Leonardo di Caprio in Titanic) trope. As Chris told us, “The more honest you are in a relationship; the more successful it’s going to be.”
However, having money is not always a disadvantage. In fact, when it comes to choosing a long term partner, Chris also told us, people tend to value these more – for want of a less stereotypical word – provider like attributes.
Likewise, if you are hanging it all on your looks and charm but actually have a secret gambling problem, your date might overlook it in the short term but is unlikely to want to hitch themselves to the rickety SportsBet wagon that is your life.
“Initially shes going to overlook some shortcomings, especially if she’s quite attracted to the guy… but if that became a long term thing it would be a problem.”