It was all sunshine and sex – until it wasn’t. A few papers were signed and – boom – you’re a free agent.
But that’s life. And – whether it was you or your partner who initiated the Get Out Of Jail motion – after all the emotion that went into building your relationship to the point of marriage (and however far beyond you got) it’s unlikely that you’ll breeze into the next chapter of your life without so much as a Ben & Jerry’s breakdown.
So far so normal.
You will, at some point, however, feel like engaging in some pleasures of the non-icecream variety. For that, we have Samantha X – Australia’s most renowned high-end escort – on hand to give you her top tips on getting your mojo back after divorce.
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On what to do in the immediate aftermath
“If you’re anything like me, you will probably go on a bit of a shagging spree once you’ve been ‘released’ from your long term relationship,” Samantha told us.
“Suddenly all those hot men and women you used to droll over when locked and loaded in your relationship are now considered game – so go for your life.”
On finding something deeper
Top tip number one: “Do NOT fall in the love at first shag; just enjoy your new-found single life.” Top tip number two: remember that this “may soon become boring, and you will end up either wanting something deeper or wanting nothing to do with the opposite sex – which isn’t a bad idea.”
On first date nerves
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He’s not just my amazing hair stylist but @remnation is one of my best friends. He’s carried me out of clubs drunk, made me soup when I’m sick, babysat my kids when they were young, falls asleep on my couch a lot, and is the first to tell me when I need to dump a boyfriend (or gives me flowers when they dump me). And, he hasn’t tried to shag me once 😭😭. #faghag #gaybestfriend #hair
“If you’re apprehensive about getting naked in front of someone new,” Samantha says, this can be remedied as follows: “treat yourself to new lingerie or new clothes, a wax, a work out and a haircut.”
Still stuck? Consider the following: “We all tend to let ourselves go in long term relationships, plus breakups are hardly great for the skin, so start up at the gym or yoga, get a dog or have a facial.”
On self love
“Start loving yourself again before you even think about channelling your energy and time on someone new,” Samantha told us. And, as for that ~displacement of linen~ you’ve been lusting after? Here’s what Samantha recommends…
“Sex wise: talk talk talk! You know those fantasies you had of shagging in the car but your husband/wife was always too chicken to do it? Now is your time! Want to go to an escort? Now is your time!”
“Funnily enough, my clients who are recently separated have the desire to feel wanted and to kiss again! It’s amazing how many couples stop kissing after a few years.”