We’d all like our relationship to be as (emotionally) open as a polygamous Anytime Fitness. In reality, however, this is not often the case, with even the most loved-up among us finding it difficult to be 100% honest about every single little jealous (or covetous) feeling that flicks through us.
To some degree this is natural. But if you let the Wall Of Silence build up for too long, you start to get communication issues, which can lead to confusion, resentment and ‘bedroom’ issues.
Enter: Samantha X, Australia’s most renowned high-end escort, who believes men are seeking ‘outside help’ not for the sex, but for the emotional connection. “Clients tend to seek emotional connection more than anything else,” she told us. “Sex is sex is sex.”
“You can get $50 handjobs, call an ex or fuck buddy, or DIY in the shower. But the clients I attract are after something far deeper, more so on a spiritual level.”
“Most of my appointments are at least a couple of hours,” she said, asking: “What man can have sex for longer than 15 minutes, really? They want the whole experience – the conversation, the feeling of being validated, the feeling of being heard.”
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“Men are far more sensitive than women think and have just as many needs as women do, they just don’t talk about it,” Samantha added.
Ironically, this goes against (or perhaps, can be explained by) society’s stereotyping of men as strong and silent and women as talkative and emotional: “As women, we are supposed to be maternal, crave affection and emotional connection way more than men. [However] the women I know have all their needs met by kids, pets, good girlfriends, a support network, and a busy career.”
“They’re single mums who quite honestly want a good shag now and then; and then want him to go home afterwards. I don’t know many women looking for love, but I know plenty of men looking for Miss Right.”
The conclusion? Men need to work on not feeling ashamed or embarrassed of having emotional needs: “It’s not weak, or less manly if they need to talk. I see so many men struggle to open up, when I know they are desperate to, but they don’t want to come across as whinging or boring or pathetic.”
“It doesn’t matter how silly you think you’re going to sound, you have to express your feelings, name them and deal with them. So many men refuse to see counsellors for fear of ‘being judged’ yet they’re quite happy to talk to a woman in her lingerie!”
While it’s tempting to end this piece with: ‘your lingerie awaits,’ we’ll leave that to you…