When you’re single, Instagram is a world of possibilities. Like a cute pic? Why not. Send a risque DM? Wish I’d have thought of this earlier. Late-night flirt? Don’t mind if I do.
There’s a reason the eggplant has gone from hated vegetable to sex symbol.
The only problem with this, is that – despite the incredibly rich pickings – most men’s Instagram pick up skills leave a lot to be desired.
Earlier this week this was placed into stark relief when high-end escort (and author) Samantha X took to Instagram to expose one of the most bizarre – and hilarious – pick up attempts that has ever strayed into her Instagram inbox.
To the confusion of her 23k followers, our anonymous suiter strode into Samantha’s DM’s with all the confidence of a man who just received a sh*t ton of funding for his ill-advised startup.
“Hey, how are you V?”, Mr. Hopeful began. “Do you require any personal services or anything [sic] relaxtion at free of cost.”
“Ummm thanks but [no thanks]… Samantha X (publically) replied. Samantha X then told DMARGE, “Yes I get lots of DMS from men I’ve never met around the world asking for marriage, money, a ’sex’ job, how to train them in male escorting, can I send money to them and their families…some even video call me when I find completely obtrusive and rude.”
“I rarely reply.”
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As for why they do it, Samantha X told us, “I wish I had the self confidence of some of these men! If I admire someone on social media or find them attractive, I am way too shy to send them any kind of flirtatious message. Unless someone is rude to me, I am never rude to them.”
“One nasty comment could destroy someone’s confidence,” Samantha X adds. “I do wonder if some of these men might have mental issues, so to be nasty to someone who really doesn’t think they’re doing anything wrong is uncalled for. However, if it’s porn, dick pics, any kind of vulgar or crass comment it’s a block and report automatically.”
Fair enough.
While the screenshot exchange above is comical, it links to the sad trend of Australian men’s woeful pickup game, which – as we reported on last year – is steadily becoming more of a cliche than your drunk uncle.
If you are one of the Australian men whose social media potential is going untapped, may we offer a few words of advice, courtesy of Samantha X herself: “I’m not saying I’ve never met a great guy on social media because I have – romantic AND platonic friends.”
“They weren’t sleazy, there was no sexual talk, there was no rambling about themselves…it was just a ‘Hi my name is XX and I thought I would say hello…” and a bit of normal conversation. I like to think I am pretty normal, so I am attracted to pretty normal!”
“Normal to me doesn’t mean boring,or conventional by the way! It means stable, respectful, honest and grounded! A rarity!!”
Still not convinced? We also spoke to Australian model Simone Holtznagel a while back to get her take on this topic too.
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First of all, as Simone told us when we asked her how best to slide into a woman’s DM’s: “Dick pics—don’t work. Let’s get that clear. No way, never.”
“That’s not the type of guy you want to be with anyway if he’s sending pictures of his junk to random girls. I personally try to find their mothers on Facebook and forward it on to them.”
To have more luck: “Do a couple of week’s work, follow them, like pictures, respond to Instagram stories (NOTHING CREEPY).”
View this post on InstagramI posted this on my story but it’s so spot on it deserves its own living post on my feed forever
The final piece of advice Simone offered is to channel your inner Oscar Wilde (“the wittier the better”). Then, all you can do is trust she likes what she sees. “Usually after a while of seeing your name pop up everywhere she will take a look (at your profile).”
But if she doesn’t respond, learn to take a hint, and avoid being held up as an example in someone’s Instagram story…