There are three types of people in Australia right now. Single, hitched and honeymooning. While the single scramble for sex toys and the hitched begin the longest bickering match of their lives, the ‘honeymooners’ – that is, those in a burgeoning relationship who either just moved in ensemble (or who spontaneously decided to go into lockdown together) – are doinking like there’s no tomorrow.
That was our theory, anyway. To see if it had legs (and a well-positioned mirror) we took it to Sydney based sexologist, relationship expert and author Dr Nikki Goldstein. While she doesn’t have stats on exactly how many honeymoon stage couples are working hard from home right now, she does think there are a number of benefits to getting shut in with your ‘more energetic than a Duracell’ love bunny (besides the obvious).
“Think of this as like a mini version of MAFS,” Nikki says. “Often when things get too difficult or people hit issues in relationships it’s easier to leave cause we have this fast-paced dating world where you can move on and find something else quickly.” However, “If you are stuck at home with someone, you have to work through the shit and possibly the uncomfortable stuff which is where there is real growth not only for a relationship but as a person.”
“What’s important in a relationship is being able to work on things and overcome things and this period just might help you do that.”
That’s if you have any problems – otherwise you’ll be set for a good few weeks of erm… as we mentioned: working hard.
Heidi also says that there are certain things you can only glean about your partner physically, which this period of quarantine is perfect for: “Often when these connections are only online, real-life factors are left out of the mix. You might be talking to someone thinking they are a certain way or wanting to believe they are a certain person, but in reality, they are not. And you will only find that out in real life, [with] in the flesh exchanges.”
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For those that are not fortunate enough to be isolating with their new bae, but rather living separately, Nikki also gave us some tips for when the frustration sets in: “If you want to explore a sexual connection (in a heterosexual relationship) at a distance, there is one particular product that I would suggest – The Sync by We Vibe. This can be paired with someone’s mobile phone and control with that app from across the other side of the world.”
“What I do love about this app is that you can still use FaceTime whilst controlling the vibe (see where I’m going with this).”
Nikki then lent us her insights into how to get, as the technical term goes, ‘jiggy’, online, if you and your partner have never done that before: “It’s important to establish some level of trust which can be hard even in the physical world. How can you ever know if you can really trust someone? But it’s good to at least have the chat around boundaries and privacy.”
“If you have never sext[ed] with someone before, start slow. We all might be in lock down for a while, so it’s good to have something to build on. If you are just showing each other every part of your body in every position straight up, your creative mind might run out of options very quickly.”
“The best thing about this is there is no right or wrong,” Nikki adds. “It’s what you both feel comfortable with. Experiment and explore and try not to overthink things. It might be masturbating on the phone to each other, making videos for each other or even just listening to each other’s voices and you both touch your bodies.”
So: single or loved up, you should now feel prepared for whatever comes at you in these next few weeks.