The Playbook For The Modern Man

Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Look Reveals The Struggles Of Letting Your Partner Cut Your Hair

Follicular fallout.

Cristiano Ronaldo is a football god. Millions worship him. That longing is not limited to his on-pitch abilities – part of being a superstar is the masses covet your hair. So when CR7 decided, late last year, to get a new ‘do,’ the follicular fallout was massive.


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A post shared by Bleacher Report Football (@brfootball) on

Never have we cared so much about a man going from ‘short and gelled’ to ‘hipster undercut.’ In any case, Cristiano has been rocking the sides-shorn man-bun happily ever since. Then came along a pesky global pandemic: now he’s in the same perilous position we all find ourselves in: not having easy access to a barber.

As we reported last week, many Australian and American men have been turning to ‘home haircuts,’ the results of which have been horrific. But, being Cristiano Ronaldo, you’d think he’d be able to outdo them (like David Beckham, who chose the simple route of shearing it all off).


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Stay home and keep stylish 💇🏽‍♂️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 #stayhomestaysafe

A post shared by Cristiano Ronaldo (@cristiano) on


Alas, no: the five-time Ballon d’Or winner tried to maintain his complex man-bun undercut, and the results were, if not disastrous, average (admittedly I may be prejudiced against this style of haircut in the first place after trying to imitate it ruined my life).

In any case, it illustrates the pulse-quickening sensation involved in letting your partner chop your mop.

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  • panzerboy39

    I can think of few things that are less important than CR7’s haircut…….

  • James

    I can think of a few things less important than this comment

  • panzerboy39

    I find it incredible that I could care less about something after my above statement. Thank you so much for your inane, useless and incredibly vacuous comment. Very helpful indeed. Just like Ronaldo’s fucking haircut……..

  • panzerboy39

    LOL, just saw this. CR7’s latest haircut is definitely one of the few things that are less important than my comment…….


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