The Playbook For The Modern Man

I Finally Got Over My Instagram Crush; Here’s How I Did It

Hard work.

Instagram isn’t short of sexy individuals. The social media platform thrives off these accounts and provides a stable place for those better looking (and, to be fair, creative and entrepreneurial) than myself to make a career.

Those at the heart of the influenza influencer pandemic know all too well there are users out there – myself included – that love to populate their own personal feeds with aspirational images. Whether it’s a bikini pic or a shoot at a landmark location, the onslaught of ‘thirst trap’ images is neverending.

For the uninitiated, a ‘thirst trap’ is defined by Dictionary.com as “a sexy photo posted on social media to attract attention.” It doesn’t define what kind of attention the post hopes to attract, or the attention it actually elicits, but there’s no such thing as bad publicity, right?

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As we’ve seen before, it can get us in trouble with our better halves, but the first step to overcoming an addiction problem is to admit it. And so here I am, declaring mine.

Fortunately, that step technically came about a week ago, and in the days since I’ve managed to resolve my issues, break free from the thirst trapping world of Instagram models and am now in a position to expend my wisdom upon you, the reader.

My secret to breaking out of Instagram ‘thirst traps’? Don’t surreptitiously watch their stories; actually follow your crush.

Hear me out.

Most of the accounts I’ve found myself following have come as a result of scrolling through the ‘Discover’ tab of Instagram. It’s here you’ll find images based on other accounts you follow, content Instagram thinks you’ll like and accounts your friends follow. It’s not uncommon, then, to be presented with several images of attractive men or women, usually accompanied by some sort of inspirational quote.

And this is how I was able to hit the nail on the head. Once I started following accounts of women that caught my high standards eye, I noticed an alarming trend: they all like to overuse inspirational quotes.

These quotes are often more absurd than a Camus model; they rarely accompany the image in question – “stay safe loves” accompanied by an image of a girl in the desert – and perhaps this is the cynic in me, but they come across as though they’ve just been picked out of a hat at random.

Let me provide some examples.

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And if it’s not an inspirational quote, then it’s trying to sell something, along with a candid-not-candid image.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Sabina Kontor (@sabikontor) on

You’re telling me Sabina actually drank the cool aid Bang Energy drink? Sure.

It’s amazing how Jayde is able to cook gnocchi without being anywhere near the stovetop.

 

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Don’t let nobody get you out of your peace ✌🏻💕

A post shared by Veronica Bielik (@veronicabielik) on

Ah, the old double negative. It’s great to see. Fortunately, Veronica knows how to avert our gaze away from her grammatical error.

It’s not just women though. Male influencers and models are just as responsible for thirst trapping millions of Instagram users with jawlines and perfectly styled hair, and Paper Magazine has documented a few of them here.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Cheeseball

A post shared by Chad White (@chadwhite21) on

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After realising how delusional some Insta models can be, I found it far easier to press the ‘unfollow’ button and rid my feed of their posts, enabling me to get over my many virtual crushes and focus on finding someone who’s into picky Grammar Nazis instead (wish me luck!).

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