The Playbook For The Modern Man

Airlines Enrage American Passengers With ‘Anti Constitutional’ New Policy

“That has to be against the constitution somehow.”

They may not be trusted to keep their voices down on holiday (or to solve a minor dispute without threatening legal action), but if there’s one thing you can count on US citizens for it’s their gun-wielding devotion to some old blokes 1989 ideals the constitution.

Half the country anyway.

We’re not here today though to discuss the risks and benefits of free speech and ammunition. We’re here because various airlines, as The Pandemic stranglehold loosens and flights start to resume, are banning alcohol on board.

As The Lonely Planet reported last night, “EasyJet and Virgin Atlantic have decided to temporarily ban alcohol on all flights to limit contact between passengers and crew, while British Airways will sell it on long-haul flights but not on short-haul ones.”

Meanwhile “American Airlines has removed alcohol from its main cabin but will serve it on long-haul international flights,” and Delta “is not offering it to passengers on US domestic flights and short international ones,” The Lonely Planet reported.

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“Aside from limiting contact, ceasing or limiting the alcohol service may also address concerns over drink-fuelled incidents on board flights, which can cause additional interactions between passengers and crew.”

We’re yet to find the British complain about this temporary removal of alcohol on domestic flights (perhaps because you don’t need a plane so much to get around England), however, some US citizens are outraged.

In fact, Barstool Sports writer Ohios Tate has even gone as far as to (half) jokingly call it an un-constitutional decision.

“First question: doesn’t alcohol kill germs? Second question: does this include BYOB? Third question: how dare you take away my right to get drunk really fast on an airplane?” Ohios wrote.

“That has to be against the constitution somehow.”

“But alas, the suits minds have been made up. Alcohol is banned from both American and Delta Airlines to ‘minimize interactions’ between crew members and passengers,” he continued.

“What a sad, sad day in American history. Is nothing sacred anymore? Should we just cancel the entire civilization? End the the world right now?”

It’s not just Ohios who was perturbed. Underneath the following CNN Tweet outlining the change, many more travellers expressed their disappointment.

“Has nothing to do with minimising contact… and everything to do with saving money,” one wrote, while another wrote “BYOAB = bring your own airplane bottle?”.

Further comments included “like air travel wasn’t already crap enough” and “they can’t ban it if it’s already in my stomach.” In other words: we’re starting to sense a theme…

In any case, here’s hoping this trend doesn’t make its way down under. Until then: you have our deepest (whisky fuelled) sympathies, America.

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