The Playbook For The Modern Man

American Betting Company Lets You Profit From Your Friends’ Misery

Pandemic punt.

2020’s half over and it’s been a pretty miserable six months. Half the country is in cinders, you can’t meet with people without leaving room for Jesus, we’re all losing our jobs and we’ve descended into an even more absurd phase of cultural dissonance.

At least we’re not in America, which seems to be falling apart at the seams. Wake us up once the civil war’s over and Kanye emerges as President, please and thank you.

The US descending into apocalypse hasn’t stopped some particularly incorrigible ‘Muricans from trying to export their madness over here, as an online betting site has developed what might be the most perverse pandemic parlour game yet.

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American sportsbook MyBookie has launched a ‘Divorce Calculator’ that allows you to generate odds on the likelihood that a marriage will end in divorce. Basically, it’s a questionnaire that can be filled out by either partner of a married couple, or someone familiar with the couple. Then, friends, family, and complete strangers can place wagers on the sanctity of said marriage.

The questionnaire on the mybookie.ag website.

“Amidst the COVID-19 lockdown, sports betting enthusiasts are experiencing interesting times to say the least,” says David Strauss, MyBookie’s head oddsmaker.

“There are still very few sporting events, so people are itching for things on which to bet. Now that peoples’ relationships are being tested like never before – being locked in with significant others with no distractions – we predict divorce rates will reach a new all-time high. While we’re not rooting for an increase in divorces, we thought marriage would make for an interesting institution to wager on.”

Look, we get it, we’ve been missing the NBA too, but this is just more evidence of the moral decay and decline of the West; another nail in the coffin of normal human decency. Letting your mates or family bet on your relationship falling apart thanks to lockdown? We’re truly doomed.

That said, the chance to make a little bit of scratch during these Unprecedented Times is pretty tempting… Hey mum and dad, you still sleeping together or nah?

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