We’re constantly being bombarded with sex advice. Whether it’s singles looking to fix their ‘dry spell’ or couples wishing to reignite the flame in their years-long commitment, there’s always, it seems, room for improvement.
Monthly international publication Marie Claire is a goldmine for women with less-than-fulfilling sex lives. From talking about how to get over a break up one day to recommending a bunch of sex toys the next, sometimes its articles are really worth reading.
Case in point: referencing a one-night stand that occurred on a spontaneous trip to Paris, author Daisy Buchanan (which appears to be a Great Gatsby inspired pseudonym) relates some sage sex advice that we can all learn a thing or two from.
After a break-up back home, Daisy wanted to get away from her current life with a short break in the City of Love to see a friend. There she met Sebastian, the male love interest in this story.
To cut a long story short, she found herself in a hotel room with Sebastian and had great sex.
“All I remember is his mouth on mine in a taxi, then in a hotel room – and suddenly I felt myself withering under the lights, conscious of my pale body, my bad bra, my lack of preparedness. ‘Don’t be shy! You’re gorgeous,’ he said, unbuttoning my shirt. ‘I’m not shy!’ I protested, and in that moment my anxiety dissolved. I stopped trying to float out of my body to witness how I was being seen. I focused on feelings.”
Daisy then compared this to a future – crappy – hook-up some five years later with an older guy in LA. The reason this one sucked? The dude was his own head, and trying to pretend he was someone he wasn’t, rather than focussed on his partner, and being in the moment.
“I realised I was a woman watching a man watching himself. You can’t have sex with someone who thinks you’re a mirror – especially when they will never be satisfied by their own reflection, or even convinced by it.”
LA in a nutshell? That’s a topic for another day.
“Hollywood had made a B-list performer out of him, and… he couldn’t manage pillow talk as he wasn’t interested in words that he couldn’t sell the movie rights to,” Daisy wrote. “It’s a cliché to go to LA and complain that everything is artificial, but our connection was as two dimensional as a plywood spaceship or a polystyrene moon.”
“I was part of the problem. I’d allowed myself to be dazzled by the man Andy thought he was and hoped to absorb some of his status. [In comparison] I’m not even sure what Sebastian [from Paris] did for a living, but the sex had been amazing because he made me feel seen, and his tenderness and generosity gave me the space to look straight back.”
For Daisy, it felt like Andy was simply looking to live up to his own expectations as a lover, instead of understanding and listening to her needs, something high-profile escort Samantha X considers to be one of her top tips for better sex.
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