Some people are up in arms about the “face of masculinity” (and UNICEF ambassador) David Beckham promoting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, and Eminem using violent language in pretty much every song ever. But what’s far more concerning is the impact these guys are having on male grooming culture.
Eminem might have started it in the late 90s’/early oughts, but David Beckham (and a bunch of other male celebrities and sportspeople) have unfortunately given the slim shady cut a modern update in 2021.
That’s right: it’s officially a look society will never shake.
On that note: I recently realised split ends and chemically enhanced shampoos were not exclusively for women, and said “screw you” to the stereotype that anyone who dyes their hair is “going through something” (while simultaneously proving that very rude and narrow-minded stereotype correct).
Inspired by old Youtube clips of Lionel Messi (who also dyed his hair back in 2016, allegedly, to start from zero) and Brazilian professional surfer Italo Ferreira (who probably just did it for fun), I peroxided the heck out of my hair.
Watch the video below to see a full timelapse of my journey…
Needless to say, disaster ensued.
My first mistake? I opted for a cheap supermarket pack rather than going the professional route, and after waiting the requisite 38 minutes with the goo on my head, found my hair a shade of strawberry.
To make things worse, I missed patches around my ears and neck.
I then realised all the hairdressers in my area (I live in Sydney) were booked out. Some for months. When I walked into one and asked for an appointment the lady burst out laughing – even if she was kind enough to enquire: “What for?” (at the same time as eying off my rogue rouge locks).
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I even sent pleading emails (featured in the video above) with photographic evidence of the disaster, in the hope of scoring a pity appointment.
No dice.
With a return to the office (and a big work lunch) coming up, time was ticking and I was getting no closer to a solution. I tried everything from lemon juice to spending a cancerous amount of time in the sun to get my hair to lighten.
Again: no dice.
I had almost given up hope when a housemate’s hairdresser had an opening. I took it with relief. I then went through the three other bookings I had made as backups (later in the month) and cancelled them.
The ordeal wasn’t over though – in a classic display of indecisiveness, when I got to the salon I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go full Ferreira or a more low key Scandinavian blonde.
I ended up going Scandinavian blonde, regretting it, and then freaking out at the grey/blue tones. Fortunately, they went away after a couple of days but still: heart attack in a bottle.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to bleach your hair (and don’t want to damage your scalp) do it professionally the first time, rather than getting it wrong yourself, and then having to chuck the chemicals on again.
Or better yet: stick to manicuring your fingernails…
Scouting around social media (and speaking to Australian barbers) DMARGE has discerned that unfortunately, I’m not the only one to go ‘full slim shady’ 20 years after the look was cool. It has also become evident that I’m not the only one to mess it up. Even celebrities like (as mentioned) David Beckham and Phil Foden (and modern Spanish rappers) are getting in on the action. And they call themselves role models!
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If you’re still considering it though, you’re probably brave enough to make it work. Just remember to keep a spare $300 in your pocket for another hair appointment to fix it up should it all go wrong.