How To Get Over A Break Up In 2021, According To Experts

"Take some space for a little while but not too long."

Image Credit: Getty Images

Australians are lighting the fuses on their relationships and throwing them out the window.

The Sydney Morning Herald reported during lockdown that the number of Australian couples seeking separation advice had soared. It seems things haven’t got much better, with Samantha Jayne, Relationship Expert and Advisor to Channel 10’s The Bachelor, recently speaking to DMARGE about the current spate of break ups sweeping the country, as many couples have come out of lockdown and thought, “Yeah, nah.”

Samantha told DMARGE this coming out of the tunnel moment has been a bit of a reality check for many couples: “Covid is the awakening of the reality check of relationships and it has fast-tracked things and caused a huge spike in divorces and breakups.”

“Most breakups happen after a couple spend extended periods of time together such as holidays and Christmas so it’s no surprise things have come to a head. Couples with incompatible differences move on. The enormous stress Covid had put on relationships removed the ability to keep the spark alive for a lot of couples who are driven by variety and adventure – no holidays, no restaurants, which would be considered boring.”

“Not to mention the pressure of financial hardship, different views on vaccinations, the roles within a family and the dynamic. Covid really just left us with the simple things that may cause some people to think the grass is greener and cause a breakup.”

“At the end of the day, covid really showed us the truth, strong couples stayed together, the weaker ones with the cracks ended due to many factors.”

Sexologist and relationship therapist Heidi Gee told DMARGE: “With many couples working from home they were forced to face things in the relationship they have been avoiding or lockdown really challenged the relationship. Lockdown is a unique situation that has affected the whole world in many ways and put a lot of pressure [on couples].”

“So dealing with a situation that we have had no control over and that affected different aspects of our lives such as relationships. For some staying under the same roof 24/7 caused a lot of strain.”

Samantha told us that “the breakup apocalypse” could be linked to borders opening again and all that comes with it: “It’s all about freedom, finding what truly matters, discovering what truly makes you happy, finding yourself and then eventually someone who aligns.”

She also said it could relate to personal growth: “A lot of people have spent this time in lockdown working on themselves, learning to love themselves and that may mean letting go of someone who doesn’t feel good. Breakups hurt and are never easy.”

If you have gone through a break-up recently, Samantha offers the following advice: “It’s important to process things, feel sad, angry let out all the emotions; then rebuild.”

“Block your ex on social media and [it’s] best to cut contact for a little while, just to help you move on. Use a break-up as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and then become the best version of you. Reflect on why things didn’t work out. In most cases, it’s misaligned values and unmet needs.”

“Think about how things could be better next time, get clear on what you want and then take some space for a little while but not too long. Get to the gym; the endorphins will be your best friend. Get out and socialise, reconnect with friends, watch positive movies and listen to podcasts that help you with your mindset.”

Image Credit: Getty Images

Samantha also told DMARGE that sometimes seeing a coach or a therapist is an excellent strategy to process things and move forward: “You want to let go of the past and not have the baggage come with you. It’s important to recognise any patterns that you have and put in place strategies to create new ones that work for you!”

“You’ll know when you are ready, when you feel better, your days are clearer and you start to smile again, feel happy, your story about the break up doesn’t sound emotional anymore but more about an opportunity to grow. You’ve got through feeling lonely and you don’t care if you meet someone or not, it’s more a bonus because you know when you meet them they will be amazing. They won’t fill a void. Instead, they will complete you and you’ll be a team.”

Heidi said you know you’re ready to move on: “When the trauma and pain no longer controls you. Therapy can help with this.”

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