Amazon Fashion Is A Dire Portrayal Of What Australian Men Want

Cover your eyes children. Cover your eyes!

The revolution in Australia’s online retail scene has arrived and it’s kind of shit.

The false starts, the anticipation and the cries of retail war from local monopolies were all there, but at the end of the day all we could think about was Amazon’s batshit interpretation of what Australian men want in a decent wardrobe.

Enter the faux Christmas long sleeve shirt designed to mimic a business casual dress code. Or the purple beer Hawaiian shirt. Or the ‘KEEP OUT’ cotton boxer briefs with barbed wire graphics designed to repel the dangers of a healthy sex life.

There’s no denying that Amazon’s taste in men’s fashion is shit, but to actually bear witness to these things coming up on a fashion sale search with little to no effort is rather alarming.

Our venture into the latest rabbit hole of consumerism brought us to a gross realisation that there’s an over index of Dad brands and ugly sandals on the site.

And what can Australian men do about it? Not buy it and pray that the Amazon fashion buyer gets the sack. And just like the questionable men’s fashion items, there’s also a treasure cove of junk including the odd Jesus statue and mermaid tattoo sleeve.

Lord be with us. And our fashion sense.