Cheating is, unfortunately, part of life. Whether it’s having a physical affair with someone else, or even an emotional one, it seems some of us just can’t be truly satisfied in a monogamous relationship. And now new research suggests that anti-f**kbois could actually become the person they hate, through that meddling phenomenon that is peer pressure.
Despite Ashley Madison’s best efforts to encourage affairs, it could actually be the influence of those around us that is more likely to make us cheat on our partners, according to new research unearthed by Vice. We often link peer pressure to encouraging things like drinking, smoking or Jackass-style stupid stuff, but it appears it can have its links to more serious unethical behaviour, too.
The new study, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour in August 2022 discovered that being exposed to the infidelity of others caused people to be unfaithful in their own relationships.
The study consisted of three separate studies conducted on participants who were already in heterosexual monogamous relationships. They were then “exposed to others’ cheating behaviour and then had to think of, or encounter, attractive strangers.”
The first study saw undergraduate students, all of whom were in relationships of at least four months, watch one of two videos. One video suggested “infidelity was present in 86 percent of relationships,” and the second “suggested that it was present in 11 percent of relationships.” Students were then asked to write about a sexual fantasy, and the researchers evaluated the fantasies for “levels of desire towards the current and alternative partners.”
In the second study, undergraduate students in relationships of at least 12 months were asked to read an account of either an actual act of infidelity, or another unethical behaviour, such as cheating on schoolwork. Following this, the participants were shown images of “attractive strangers of the opposite gender,” and asked whether they would see the strangers as potential partners.
The group who read about the actual act of infidelity responded “yes” to more images than the second group.
Ultimately, the researchers concluded, “Following exposure to others’ cheating behaviour, participants were less likely to devalue the attractiveness of alternative partners and to be committed to their relationship. These findings suggest that environments that foster a greater prevalence of infidelity lessen the motivation to protect the bond with the current partner, possibly setting the stage for unleashing the desire for alternative partners.”
In short, they were more likely to cheat, with the implication being that the exposure to cheating behaviour made the participants feel more ok with engaging in it themselves.
The study doesn’t reveal if the participants were male or female, but it was recently suggested that women are more likely to cheat than men. Although, the reasons for cheating differs between the genders. Men are said to commit adultery because they’ve fallen out of love with their partner, and so seek emotional intimacy with someone else.
Women, on the other hand, get bored of sexual sameness and so seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere, some studies have suggested.
DMARGE presented the findings of this study to Australia’s leading relationship expert, Samantha Jayne, to get her two cents as to whether she believes infidelity can indeed be contagious.
“I totally agree with this,” she begins.
“It all goes back to you are coloured by the company you keep. Think about it, if you spend time with fit people you get fit yourself; spend time with angry people and you get angry; happy people, you feel happy.”
“Cheaters, well you might start to justify that it’s ok if you listen to the story long enough and often enough. It’s like being sold to or peer group pressure when it comes to smoking or drinking. You think you are against it, but over time with enough pressure and justification, you can be influenced.”
“The mind tends to normalise things with enough exposure.”
Samantha Jayne
“Some people are also more likely to cheat, especially if they are driven by variety and adventure and if you get bored easily and if you look externally for excitement. Ideally, your relationship should never be your only source of variety and adventure, you need other things to stimulate you or it will collapse.”
But what if you really are a good person and are totally, 100 percent against cheating? Is it really impossible for you to be influenced by your scum bag friends? And if not, how do you survive the constant onslaught of peer pressure?
“Some people just can’t cheat, it’s not within them,” Samantha tells DMARGE. “If that is you, you don’t resonate with cheaters and, therefore, move away from the cheaters who are not aligned with you and gravitate to those who are.”
“If you’re not ‘one of the lads’ and you’re not ok with observing the cheating, then you should have the confidence to speak your truth.”
“It is up to that person as to how they do this, and maybe it’s an opportunity to give the cheaters your perspective and remove yourself from the drama. The problem with being around a cheater is, if people find out about them, then you will likely be branded with the same brush.” I.e., external people will just assume you are a cheater too.
“So maybe have a ‘man up’ chat with your friend, maybe they are not even thinking because they have so much support from the lads. Either way, whatever you decide to do, make sure you stay true to yourself.”
“If you’re ok with it, then you’re ok with it. If you’re not, then say something and find aligned, honest people.”
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