Over the last few years, Australians have made a concerted effort to eat healthier. This has come along with the exultation of fat and protein, and the demonisation of refined carbohydrates and sugar, spearheaded by Paleo Pilgrims cum Keto Warriors.
The result? A low carb explosion. Whether it’s tradies talking about elk, hipsters milking almonds or suburban parents trading their morning pinot for bulletproof coffee, no one is exempt.
The nadir is hard to pinpoint. But when historians look back at Australia’s Crossfit Era the moment the first 21st-century office worker attempted a 20-ingredient Paleo Smoothie is likely to be a prime candidate.
Anyway: we’re not here to argue health – on that front Paleo and Keto diets certainly have some benefits. However, when it comes to visiting Italy, carb-averse tourists have a nasty shock in store.
You’ll either starve or be laughed out of the country. Just kidding. You will miss out on all the best food though.
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But that’s point-adjacent. The main reason Italians don’t understand Australia’s obsession with dieting is because World Bank statistics show they live longer than us, despite their higher rates of smoking, drinking and (most controversially) pasta-eating.
And that’s not to mention the mental benefits of selective hedonism: an art centuries in the oven.
This culture clash was yesterday illustrated, Michelangelo style, when fashion blogger Nicole Warne made headlines for complaining about the iconic Ristorante Hotel Grotta Palazzese’s refusal to accommodate her request for a meat, dairy and gluten free meal.
To be fair to her, she requested a vegan, gluten-free meal three months in advance and the Puglia restaurant did not accommodate. But to be fair to the restaurant: it’s hard to imagine any vegan, gluten-free meal being anything but disappointing when plated next to a traditional Italian feast.
Plus, even though her friend, who tried the whole menu, also found it “underwhelming” it seems highly unlikely they would have posted that if not for the restaurant’s refusal to come up with a separate menu just for her.
While some of her 1.7 million followers were sympathetic (“I found it exactly the same four years ago”), others were not.
“You literally have an intolerance to every kind of Italian food ingredient, I don’t think this is a fair review.”
Anyway (and finally), in terms of nutrition, there are three serious observations to be made.
First: eating hearty Italian food makes you less likely to eat sugary snacks between meals.
Second: while pasta is a refined carbohydrate, it is also typically lathered in fresh meat, healthy oils and vegetables, which allows your body to process the meal as a whole, preventing the insulin spike that might occur if you ate a bowl of white San Remo with nothing but ketchup.
Third: If counting ‘macros’ was crucial to the human form, Michelangelo would have sculpted it.