Tight Clothes Are Suffocating Your Masculinity

Tight clothes are killing your style.

Anyone who has read our style section knows we’re big fans of wearing slim clothes. After all, there’s no sense looking bigger than you are, and a careful taper here and there can take a few kegs off your frame (even if you don’t deserve it).

But what about ‘tight clothes’… It’s easy to take it too far.

Maybe it’s a shirt that looks sprayed on and leaves nothing to the imagination. Maybe you’ve gone through three pairs of suit pants in as many months and wonder if the Friday knockoffs are beginning to show.

We want our readers to look sharp, not terrified of the prospect of splitting their pants in front of the CEO. The following read will help you avoid this fate by pointing out the signs that your clothes are too skinny and how to dress accordingly.

Your Kit Doesn’t Last

It’s okay, these are spray on pants

Can’t seem to find trousers that don’t cark it before three months? If you’re wearing through clothes too quickly, it might not be the quality of the garment. In fact, it might just be you.

Prolonged garment friction against your body can cause premature tears, splits, and pilling. If your clothes are too tight, this puts stress on the fabric and seams and before you know it, you’re showing your knickers off to the guys at the office.

While we’re not suggesting that you’ll never buy faulty clothes – it happens – these ongoing durability issues could simply relate to the fact that your kit is too skinny and it’s not agreeing with you.

You Get Scared Picking Up Loose Change

Into the danger zone

Do you have a moment of panic when you drop something and realise you might not make it back up? Do you avoid taking the stairs because your suit trousers might not survive the journey? It’s normal to sacrifice a little bit of comfort to look slim, but come on, fellas. There’s a line.

Slim or not, clothes should give you a decent range of motion. You shouldn’t feel like picking up your wallet is going to leave you with a ripped crotch.

Suffocating in your clothes is not cool, and it’s not practical. If this sounds like your sartorial experience, it’s time to see a tailor. Or better yet, swallow your damn pride and start buying a larger size.

Button & Pocket Trouble

Alvin loves a good heavage

When it comes to finding the right fit, there are a few red flags a switched-on clothes horse will notice in the changeroom. Shirt buttons should be vertical. They shouldn’t pull or gape to the sides in a manner that exposes the dodgy tats that you got at nineteen.

When you’re doing up the collar, it should feel firm, but not so tight that you’re pulling at your neck all day or loosening your tie. As for your pants, the pockets should be flat. If they flare out, it means the trousers are too firm on your thighs, and might split on your way up the stairs.

Your Mates Let You Know

Son, you’re in too deep

Mates will rag on mates for almost anything. But if you feel like your boys are giving you a hard time just for your tight clothes and not the other terrible qualities you have, it might be time to listen.

It’s not unlike the times when you cop some unsolicited feedback on a flash new haircut, get told to brush your teeth, or to leave some of the suspect local talent alone. No one wants to see their mates suffer if they can help it (unless they’re not really your mates).

If your band of brothers keep reminding you that your pants are tighter than your girlfriend’s, it’s not because they’re dickheads (well, it might be). A simpler explanation is merely that yes, your clothes are too tight and yes, you deserve to know about it.