Let’s be honest, fellas: one of the main reasons men like to wear expensive watches is because we hope that women will notice them and be impressed – even if this hope is usually pretty misguided. But what watches will actually help you get lucky? One influencer reveals all…
There are two cold, hard truths about wearing a nice watch. The first one is that most people aren’t watch people and won’t recognise or be impressed by the watch you wear. The second one (which is only a ‘problem’ for straight men) is that it’ll probably only be blokes who are interested in your watch.
It’s like dudes who drive expensive cars: most of the attention you’ll attract will be from other dudes who are also into cars. And that’s fine – most people who are into cars or watches don’t buy these things for attention; they buy them because they enjoy them. At least, that’s the Platonic ideal.
Still, even the most committed watch collector would probably be curious to know what watch is most likely to increase their romantic chances with the fairer sex. Thankfully, @ioanaonthecoast – a Canadian influencer and expat whose hilarious observations about Australia and dating culture have garnered her viral fame online – has shared her take on what a man’s watch says about him.
In short: she’s pretty brutal, but we can’t help but agree. Watch below.
She starts off by having a crack at OMEGA owners, saying “if he has an OMEGA, he’s probably watched too many Bond movies and he thinks he’s cooler than he actually is”. Yikes.
She also has a go at men who wear Daniel Wellingtons – “get that man a time machine because he’s still living in 2016” – as well as Fossil watches. “Just get a real watch”, Ioana quips. Definitely agree with her there: anyone who wears a Daniel Wellington is a complete stooge.
“If he wears a Rolex but can actually afford a Rolex, then he just has expensive taste,” she suggests, “but if he wears a Rolex to flash non-existent cash, he is the Tinder Swindler – keep him away from all your credit cards.”
In fact, the luxury watch brand she reckons is the sign of a good man is a surprising one: Breitling.
“If he wears a Breitling, then he probably wants or already owns a boat. Either way, lock this man down.”
@ioanaonthecoast
But you don’t need to have Breitling money to get lucky with the ladies. Ioana also says an Apple Watch is a green flag – “an Apple Watch man is an efficient, reliable man” – and reserves her highest praise for the humble Casio calculator watch, saying “this guy f*cks”.
Nerds rejoice and pepper your angus.