No, it’s not a man who gets his rocks off on a park bench, nor is it someone who is sexually attracted to homeless people. A hobosexual is actually someone who commits a potentially common move when dating and meeting new people, and you may have come across one or two in your lifetime.
So what is a hobosexual and how do you spot one? Read on to find out.
What is a hobosexual?
The term hobosexual was first coined by Nakita Nicci, in an article she wrote for Rolling Out. She says a hobosexual is someone “who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay – not a genuine romantic interest.”
If you’ve ever found you’ve started dating someone and within weeks, they’re claiming a side of the bed, a drawer in the tallboy and a shelf in the bathroom cabinet, then you may have been dating a hobosexual, as opposed to someone who is genuinely keen on you and wants your relationship to flourish.
Now, Nakita’s article refers to a hobosexual as being a ‘he’ but we reckon it can be applied to either sex.
While the term hobosexual predominantly refers to someone who is only using you for a place to live, there can be more traumatic and manipulative qualities to them that you need to be aware of. John Meehan, the subject of the podcast Dirty John, which was later adapted into a television series starring Eric Bana, could be considered a hobosexual.
John Meehan met Debra Newell on an internet dating site, and the couple became married within months. John also abused and manipulated Debra and her extended family, and was eventually killed by Debra’s daughter, who acted in self-defence.
Signs to look for
So, what are some other telltale signs of a hobosexual?
The relationship moves quickly
The honeymoon phase of any relationship can certainly move quick, and it can be an exciting time. But if things move a little too fast for your liking, or they seem a little too good to be true, they might just well be. If you’ve only gone on a couple of dates with your potential new partner, and only covered the basics of conversation, such as family and work, and the next moment they’re moving their stuff into your house, then they might be a hobosexual.
Of course, it could be that you really have hit it off and you’re both ready to settle down right away. But if you find this behaviour happening to you, then it’s wise to take a moment to reassess the situation to decide if it’s actually want you want.
They’re constantly unemployed or forever changing jobs
If your potential partner reveals they don’t have a steady job when you meet, but constantly reassures you they’re going to find something soon, or that they’re just figuring out what it is that will make them feel truly fulfilled, then you might have a hobosexual on your hands.
Of course, finding work that truly satisfies oneself isn’t always easy to come across, so they may be telling the truth. But if you get 6 months into your relationship and they still haven’t done much to adhere to their promise that they’re going to find a ‘proper’ job, and you find you’re footing the bill for most things as the breadwinner, then it might be time to think about showing them the front door.
They have you buying them everything
Even if they haven’t fully moved into your place yet, but they might as well have done given the amount of time they spend there, then your new fling may start making suggestions for redecorations. If they convince you to completely change your bedroom, or turn a spare room into an office that they use the majority of the time, then they could well be a hobosexual.
It’s just too good to be true
We can all dream that the perfect person is out there somewhere, just waiting for us to find them. But when we think we have, it can sometimes feel a little bit strange or uneasy. If your new partner seems like a perfect fit for you, liking all the same things as you, right down to the unusual nitty gritty things, then it may be cause for concern.
They move on easily
If you do take a assessment of the relationship and you decide to end things, because you’re not convinced their intentions are genuine, and they take it on the chin and move on without a care in the world, then chances are they were indeed a hobosexual.