The Playbook For The Modern Man

American Actress’ Risqué Selfie Reveals The Woeful State Of Men’s Pick Up Game

“Thinking some thoughts.”

Men being outrageously thirsty online is a phenomenon as old as the internet itself. Any woman with a public profile who shares even the most innocent photo of themselves is likely to attract attention from guys who, behind the veil of anonymity, will share lurid thoughts they’d be unlikely to express in public.

Whether someone’s in a poncho or in lingere, it’s no excuse to be a creep. The bulk of well-adjusted humans are all in agreement on that (or at least should be). It’s 2020 after all.

RELATED: The Social Media Flirting Rules You’re Probably Getting Wrong

However, a recent selfie by American actress Sydney Sweeney has shown men’s pick up game is still woeful, even after four months of virtual dating.

The star of Euphoria and The Handmaid’s Tale recently shared a shot of her posing in a bikini on an outdoor lounge, guarded by her beloved dog Tank. Naturally, hordes of men (and some women) were quick to comment on the shot – hardly a new occurrence.

What’s worse is that the pick-up lines commenters were dropping aren’t just thirsty, but utterly unimaginative.

Some were absurd (“believe it or not my wee wee is 7.54 inches”), some were boring (“what’s up”), some were an attempt at humour (“respectfully. im looking respectfully”) and some were creepy (“i’m free everyday if you are also free everyday please call me so we can hang out everyday”).

“I am always free everyday like you can hang out with me everyday please call me text me and hold my hand everyday when I’m free”.

“You single?”

None were good.

Maybe we shouldn’t be expecting fine literature from Twitter, but it’s sad this is the best men can come up with. You’d think that all the time in lockdown poring over social media would mean that we’d have plenty of time to practice, but… nope.

There were also plenty of people clowning the thirsty commenters – good to see there’s still some self-awareness on social media, at least.

Sweeney made an impression on her female followers too. Three of the (near) top comments apparently came from women – two naughty, one nice.

“Need a photographer next time?”

“THINKING SOME THOUGHTS.”

“Thanks for making me realise I look like a potato.”

We can’t believe people missed Sweeney’s obvious joke about “nice puppies”, too.

We’ll see ourselves out.

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