In this age of ‘no kiss hook-ups’ and cafe-to-bedroom rendez vous, it almost feels quaint to discuss French kissing. But as gratification replaces romance, women are starting to miss some old school dating moves. One of them, according to women’s website Whimn, is French kissing.
Much like a relationship that has gone stale, if Whimn’s (anecdotal) research is correct, as the 2020’s kick off, we are approaching the society-wide death of French kissing, with women unsure if there partner is willing to engage in it, and nue-age men simply unequipped to perform the act.
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“After being confronted with a slew of questionable kissers, I’ve been left wondering if the French kiss is a thing of the past,” Whimn journalist Lucy Cocoran wrote last week. “Making out, hooking up, necking on, snogging – call it what you will, French kissing is… fun to do with strangers, even better with someone you like and a great segue into sex.”
So far so hot.
What’s the problem then? Well, according to Lucy, the unspoken assumption “that by your early 20s, you should know how to kiss” is becoming a thing of the past: “After re-entering singledom a few months ago, I’m relearning to navigate the jungle that is casual dating. The rules have changed since the last time I had skin in the game.”
Lucy says there are “a lot of people” who aren’t French kissing “but are still kissing with an open mouth.” Gross. Or, as Lucy puts it: “imagine a fish opening and closing its mouth underwater.” But we digress – Lucy wasn’t the only one to experience this vacuum-like fate – her friends had too.
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One friend recently encountered a guy who, “Closed-mouth pursed kisse[d] over and over again” while another “dated someone for two years without ever French kissing.” Yikes. This then led into a broader discussion around instigating: “some girls are more than happy to let their tongue wander over first, while others never make the first move.”
The takeaway for women, Lucy writes is: “if you’re dealing with someone who isn’t kissing you the way you like to be kissed, just tell them… life is too short to be kissed badly.” For men, however, here at DMARGE we have a simple solution: bite the bise, and learn how to French kiss.
Either that or accept the apocalypse is upon us and pashing is dead. Fellas, the choice is yours.