In a blow to prematurely-balding men and excitable women everywhere, one popular Australian rooftop bar has implemented a strict new dress code, which bans (amongst other things), combovers, cargo-pants and “overt” hens parties.
Although it’s not unusual for ~establishments~ to implement a dress code (“no footy shirts, no thongs” etc.), Slims Rooftop, a sunny-side-up venue overlooking Sydney’s Hyde Park, has taken it to a whole new level, essentially prohibiting anyone that looks like they drink VB or like to have fun.
But they don’t stop there. In a bid to create maximum confusion, they have also banned “Cheap, ill-fitting suits,” leaving patrons with no idea as to whether they should dress up or down. Needless to say: if their polyester shirts didn’t chafe so bad, the Tarocash brigade would be up in arms.
Although publications like the Daily Mail have swallowed the line that it’s all “tongue in cheek”, when you look closely at the sign, it soon becomes obvious that Slims Rooftop is trying to smuggle a fascist dress code through customs, under the guise of humour. Take a look for yourself.
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Sure: “No Big Granny Undies” is a right old laugh, but it’s only there to distract you from tyrannical policies like, “No Thongs After Sunset” and “No Sporting Team Jerseys” (give me a Lebron singlet over jeans and a button up, any day). And not to get side-tracked, but riddle me this. Who looks better: Neymar in a Lakers outfit…
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Or a dress code conforming hipster?
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When your outfit nails the venues colour brief 👨🏼🎨 #nailedit #rooftop 📸 @brendon_kiewra
That said, there are a few rules we can get behind, like no ‘d***heads, no couples dressed to match (ew), and no ‘creeping’. But the fact remains: Slims Rooftop may be the most Sydney venue in Sydney. But hey: draconian nightlife laws breed draconian times.
And it seems a substantial portion of Slims’ instagram followers are on board, making comments like, “Our kinda bar” and, “How good are the rules.” However, being instagram, it’s unclear how many of these comments are genuine, or if they are fawning in an aspirational, “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine,” type arrangement.
A user called @jamesjetsoften, for example commented, “SO. GOOD. And funny. Thanks, hope to visit later this month!” followed up by a love heart. But if @jamesjetsoften wasn’t trying to grow his own consultancy’s Instagram account, one wonders if he would be so cringe-worthy in his praise?
Thankfully, a minority saw through the ruse, pointing out: “You (Slims Rooftop) lost me at granny undies.” In the meantime, feel free to take your multipurpose sneakers, high-vis vests and Lebron kits elsewhere. With Sydney’s best burger joints being a damn fine place to start.
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