It might come after five months, it might come after five years, but at some point in your long term relationship you will inevitably stop and think, “Are we on autopilot here”?.
As couple’s counsellor and sex therapist Heidi Gee recently told us, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, if you like it, and it works for you, a routine isn’t such a bad idea (you don’t want to start watching that next episode of Netflix too late, after all).
However, if you want to spice up your sex life — whether permanently or just for a weekend away — there are a number of things you can do.
“Take the time to explore and know not only your own body and what sensations turn you on but your partner,” she adds. “If you know what you like it’s easier to communicate this to your sexual partner.”
“Don’t rush, enjoy the experience and be present in the moment.”
This feeds into a broader discussion around the role of a sex therapist, with Heidi telling us the biggest misconception about sex therapy is that the therapy itself involves sex or touch.
The reality is that “sex therapy is talk therapy, which offers a professional service by a qualified therapist experienced to deal with issues relating to sexuality and sexual functioning… and to assist you in understanding the issues and help you achieve your goals.”
Why don’t they just give you a bunch of vibrators and a copy of the Kama Sutra and set you loose? Because no matter how many “bust out of a sex rut” type articles you read, unless you and your partner work on your emotional issues no amount of ‘toys’ will help you understand how each other’s cultural & religious backgrounds, hormones and stress levels impact your sex life (and overcome them) like sex therapy can.