The Playbook For The Modern Man

168 Hours Testing Bose’s Latest & Most Expensive Headphones; Here’s What I Discovered

“If Apple AirPods are sleek sex sticks; Bose’s new 700’s are voluptuous water beds.”

I was fumbling for my phone for the fifth time in five minutes last week when I finally snapped: “I’d rather be gunned down by a motorbike than rewind this podcast again.”

$30 headphone problems.

Anyway, not coincidentally, I arrived at work the next day wearing a pair of wireless Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones 700 – their newest, most expensive model to date.

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Since then I have enjoyed an auditory awakening of 168 hours (seven days). However, considering they cost AU$599.95 (US$399) that almost goes without saying.

So, instead of giving you a blow by blow of my ear-gasms, I thought I’d share some of the more interesting things I’ve learned wearing top-end wireless headphones for a week.

Commuting is no longer a waste of time

I used to listen to music between my office and the train station, as obnoxious motorcyclists and oversized trucks conspired to make it impossible to follow a podcast.

Now, thanks to Bose’s patented eight microphone system (six work to cancel external noise, two work to dramatically improve voice pick up), the worlds of self-help and self-promotion are now at my full disposal.

Also of note: you can stand next to a construction site, or even a train, and be on a call with someone, and they won’t know any better (this goes for the pub too, we presume…).

Station announcements no longer stress me out

Used to be that I had to tuck my takeaway coffee under one armpit and shoulder my carry-all (before physically lifting my headphones off my ears) to hear how Sydney Transport had f*ked up this time. Now I just have to toggle the noise-cancelling settings up or down.

My relationships are better

You may think this a stretch, but whether it’s clients, workmates, friends or family: everyone appreciates a background-noise free phone call. With Bose’s Noise Cancelling Headphones 700, that’s exactly what you get.

And while I don’t pretend to understand all the intricacies of their world-first voice interface (which not only blocks external sound from your ears, but blocks external sound from entering your mic – and thus the ears of the person you are calling) the results spoke for themselves.

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My expectations are higher

When my friend offered me his ~normal~ headphones the other day I realised: I’m ruined for life.

I feel like batman

With great headphones comes great responsibility (don’t lose’em).

I still can’t figure out how to turn them off

Despite attending a press event where every feature of the headphones was explained in detail, I am something of a troglodyte (hence my reliance on corded headphones all the way up until August 2019) and still managed to activate Google Assistant rather than switching them off for the first three days I owned them.

The battery is insane

Despite (initially) not being able to turn them off at will (they seem to eventually turn off automatically when you stop using them), even for manual-averse users like myself who waste more power than the average American household, the battery life on these things is insane (up to 20 hours).

The voice assistant is awesome

Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant all work well – and are activated easily.

They have integrated voluptuousness with durability – & low-key style

They say the Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones 700 were built to last, and although I’ve only had them a week, I can see why. Oh, and if Apple’s Airpods are sleek sex sticks, Bose’s new 700’s – which have fewer visible screws, seams and joints than the industry standard (and weight distribution for all-day comfort) – are a voluptuous (drop-dead classy) waterbed.

They aren’t the best option for the gym, but they get the job done

Although Bose’s wireless Soundsport headphones are the best option for the gym, I found the (larger) Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones 700 worked fine for everything except stretching exercises where you have to lie on the ground on your side.

They are super easy to store

The Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones 700 fold flat with one twist of the earcups and store neatly in a thin tapered hardcase that slides more easily into bags, backpacks, and seat-pockets. And no pesky cables to contend with (naturally).

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