The Playbook For The Modern Man

New App Vows To Help Australia’s Most Insufferable Singles Find Love

Competitive dater? This app could be for you.

Is there anything worse than swiping the guy or gal of your dreams, flirting your way to a date and then discovering they are more insufferable than a bitcoin millionaire?

When it comes to app-based dating, Tinder is (usually) the go-to choice due to its ability to allow us to swipe through a whole horde of suitors with ease. Of course, once matches are made the tricky part of actually talking to one another can pose some obstacles, and with Tinder shifting to more of a relationship culture than a “DTF?” culture, finding someone more interested in casual dating has in some ways been made harder.

But for Australians in Sydney and Melbourne, the search for the love of your life will be made that little bit easier with the launch of new dating app, The League. Already available in the majority of US cities, along with London, Paris and a few in Canada, The League is now launching in Sydney and Melbourne, with the aim of coupling up people who “share the same drive” or finding you a partner who “looks good in black-and-white photos, is courteous enough to use proper punctuation, and flexible enough to fit into your way-too-restrictive schedule.”


In other words: bankers, lawyers and ‘motivational’ influencers.


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That’s right, The League is an app targeted at contestants of The Apprentice and every other pompous banker or real-estate agent you’ve ever bumped into at Sydney’s Ryan’s Bar, or at Bondi Wholefoods. For this type of person, speaking to a potential partner without name-dropping, boasting or slicking back their hair is nigh-on impossible, so The League promises to remove the bad first impressions bae-to-be can get, by putting you behind a virtual barrier.

When you create your profile, you can upload photos of yourself, add education and job info and sync your social media accounts. It’s clear The League is aimed primarily at the professionals because you’re given the option to sync your LinkedIn information.

“What’s LinkedIn?” we hear Tinder users asking.

Once you’ve added that last picture of yourself sporting a golden tan and sipping on a daiquiri in Honolulu, you’re put on a waitlist for your profile to be verified and uploaded to The League’s servers. Of course, being a wealthy city worker, you can pay to have your profile processed in a much quicker time.


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In fact, paying for ‘member’ status unlocks a wealth of added features which, in theory, increases your chances of a match. So long as you’re happy to pay $97.99, $58 or $47/month for 1, 3 or 6-month membership, respectively.

Membership also gives you priority entry to The League Live, a feature in which you participate in three 2-minute video dates – a prime time to use the introductory speech you’ve been saving for The Apprentice. Fortunately, The League does provide an optional ice-breaker question, to help steer you onto the right path and avoid questions such as “So how many times have you been to St. Barths?”

Don’t automatically assume your profile will be accepted, though, as The League can easily reject it if you haven’t filled out enough information about yourself or if your photos include too many animals and not enough actual friends. It’s highly selective, but then if you are the chosen one, you can be safe in the knowledge you’ll only be able to meet other pretentious douchebags discerning individuals as well.


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You can download and sign up for The League now. Just make sure you have a strong LinkedIn account and a ‘fire’ Instagram. Without ’em, you’re f**ked.

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