James Bond. The Queen. Tea. Scones. Pride and Prejudice. Harry Potter. Crisps.
Some things are just quintessentially British.
Sex though? Not so much. Sex belongs to Paris and Hollywood, right?
Anyway, sometimes, it appears, the British do get down and ‘to it,’ as a bafflingly British complaint, submitted to The Times’ “sex counsel” column, shows.
Though The Times published it in 2019, the question (and The Times’ expert’s answer) is currently popping off on Twitter, after being shared yesterday by No Context Brits, which is an account that calls itself a “mordant celebration of British mediocrity.”
The complaint reads thusly:
“Every day I take my wife a cup of tea in bed. She loves this ritual and I like performing it. However, we sometimes make love in the mornings (after I’ve brought the tea) and she pauses to finish her cup before it goes cold. For me, it kills the moment. I’m sure our love life would be more passionate if she didn’t take this short tea break.”
Suzi Godson, The Times’ columnist, wrote in response: “Your letter is more likely to provoke envy than sympathy, but small gestures have an impact in romantic relationships. Bringing your wife a cup of tea reminds her that she is loved and cared for, and her appreciation makes you feel valued too. Because you attend to your wife, she attends to you. That’s how good relationships work.”
So far so good.
Then things get interesting. Godson added: “Reciprocity becomes a virtuous circle and from time to time your cup runneth over and your morning tea ceremony clearly stirs a sexual awakening too. When those occasions arise you feel that your wife should forgo her cuppa and seize the moment. However, I don’t think you understand how integral it is to the romantic dynamic. There is something rather erotic about the idea of sipping hot tea while your lover waits, eagerly. Far from being a passion killer, the time it takes for her to drink her tea should add to the erotic charge.”
The response goes on to kindly advise the man to slow down and enjoy the process.
On Twitter, there were a variety of responses to the story. Some thought the man was being completely unreasonable (“tea is tea”) while others thought he had a fair point.
One man wrote: “Sometimes I even fake my orgasms with my wife just so I can make myself a cuppa.”
Another Twitter user wrote: “Blimey, it couldn’t have been very hot if it’s cold before he finishes.”
Another said: “This man is a hater and she doesn’t need him in her life.”
Further suggestions included using a flask, or putting a bit of cold water in the tea so that “she can finish it in one go.”
Nope. This isn’t an either/or situation if you’re smart about it. I simply decant the tea into a CamelBak, strap it on and fuck with wild abandon whilst slurping tea through the straw.— Bird (@idioglotticbird) December 7, 2021
The best comment, however, arguably, was as follows: “Nothing quite says good ol’ British romance than a lady drinking lukewarm tea with her loyal fella trying to keep his PG tip hard beside her.”
Nothing quite says good ol’ British romance than a lady drinking luke warm tea with her loyal fella trying to keep his PG tip hard beside her. 🇬🇧🫖— Al 🏴 🏳️🌈 🧀 (@AlFromScotland) December 6, 2021
We can’t argue with that.
Learn more about what you discover while dating in the land of tea and scones by watching the video below.
What you learn while dating in Britain…
- Most Adventurous Booty Call Ever Lands Scottish Man In Jail
- Why The French Are Better Lovers Than Australians
- Important Etiquette Rules You Need To Know Before Dating A Londoner