What Makes Men Lust After Women

"I find myself incredibly attracted to certain women that give off a sort of fem-fetale vibe."

What Makes Men Lust After Women

All’s fair in love and war, but once the dating game’s over why do you suddenly feel attracted to your partner’s sister?

What makes a neat-freak fall for a chaotic mess? What makes a flaming disaster get it on with a ‘straighty 180’? Why does my girlfriend’s best friend apply lip balm whenever we are left alone together?

Some mysteries are best left unsolved.

Unless you are part of Reddit’s AskMen Community, in which case you consult the million-user-strong dating advice forum for advice on the questions you’re too embarrassed to ask your friends.

Last week the question, “What is something you MOST DEFINITELY shouldn’t be attracted to, but you are anyway?” was posed on the platform, revealing truths as hilarious as they are anthropological.

Here’s a smattering of the sexiest red flags known to man.

Emotional Unavailability

The sexiest ‘red flag’ men are attracted to, surprisingly enough—coming up top with 2.4k upvotes—was something woman find an (unfortunate) turn on too: emotional unavailability.

But, as one commenter points out, this may have a silver lining: “There are so many emotionally available women out there and women say the same about men.”


“People ready for love always go for the ones who don’t want it and vice versa. Round-robin of hurting each other.”

The conclusion: we all want what we can’t have. But hey—it’s good to know…


“Back of the neck tats are a sexy red flag,” one guy admits, before another added, “Piercings and unnatural hair colours” to the list.

“The goth chicks I dated in college ruined me.”

Being Off Limits

This was a common theme, with six different men admitting they were attracted to a woman they knew they should not be.

  • “My cousin’s girlfriend is a f***ing smokeshow. So hard not to check her out during family get-togethers.”
  • “My girlfriend’s two other triplet sisters.”
  • “Married women who flirt with me. Unless I know her situation or arrangement, I try not to flirt back.”
  • My ex.
  • My boss.
  • My boss’s wife.

Having A Penchant For Sado-Masochism

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.”

Having Messy Make-up

“Messed up eyeliner” had the Reddit equivalent of heart-eye emojis flowing.

Loving Conflict


Oh, and despite the thread being directed at men, one woman felt compelled to point out what she found hot in a man.

“I’m a girl and I have to like physically fan myself when I watch a guy beat another guy up. I think i have some sort of weird attraction to violence.”

Being Tall

One guy confessed he can’t get enough of, “Girls who are taller than me.” While he recognises this is, “Not really a moral ‘shouldn’t'”, neither are many of the other traits listed here either.

Liking Exhibitionism

“Sex in a public setting.”

Not Having Their Sh*t Together

One guy describes his secret desire as such: “I’ve generally been with sensible, put-together women. So I’m kind of turned on by, just, absolute flaming disasters who ruin every life they come in contact with.”

“I’d never pursue, but if my penis had legs that’s where he’d go.”


“Honestly, not sure where I should start,” one guy… starts. “There are so many conflicting qualities I am attracted to, and some are just obviously bad. Cruelty, and arrogance for one.”

“Mean people probably don’t make the best partners, but I find myself incredibly attracted to certain women that give off a sort of fem-fetale vibe.”

He then describes how in a college group drinking game: “We had to name the meanest thing we’ve ever done. This one girl told us how she volunteered for the position of denying people acceptance into her sorority, and how much she loved telling other girls that they weren’t going to be allowed in because they weren’t smart or attractive enough.”

“Everyone but me was horrified, I was hot n’ bothered. Haven’t acted on it much, and the people I’ve been with longer term don’t have this quality, but it has lead me astray in the past.”

“Party Party” Vibes

“I also probably shouldn’t be attracted to substance use,” the same man continues, “But I have always had the most fun with party girls. It’s been hard for me to find (someone) that I consider fun that doesn’t use things in ways that I consider problematic.”

Poor Hygiene

Interestingly for washing-averse women, quite a few dudes harbour a secret attraction to, “Sweaty socks and underwear.”

Having Opposite Interests

One straight-edge guy revealed he had the hots for, “Crazy grad students who hold that weird mix of dedication and madness,” to which a “woman with all the aforementioned things,” (tattoos, piercings, etc.) said: “I can tell you I married a very professional nice man.”

“We may not look like we belong together, but we’re very happy.”