There are a lot of stereotypes around being a male escort. But precious few of them are true.
As we’ve reported previously, you shouldn’t get into it for the sex (believe it or not). You also shouldn’t think it’s a walk in the park. Oh, and, think the only skills you’ll need are bedroom ones? Think again.
But what is it actually like to be a male escort in 2021? DMARGE hit up Rhys Phillips, who can be found on Samantha X After Dark, and who is an Australian male escort, to jag a peek behind the curtain.
Mr Phillips promotes his services across a variety of platforms, including Instagram and OnlyFans.
In light of the pandemic-inspired loneliness crisis, we asked Mr Phillips how he handled the sentimental side of being an escort – as well as how he sees his role in stemming the growing sense of “emotional horniness” which is sweeping the country.
Mr Phillips told DMARGE: “I find the emotional side of things a blessing and a curse.”
“I am a massive overthinker, so finding an aspect that I enjoy and hyper-fantasising in a way that keeps me present within the moment has helped greatly.”
“I also like to address love languages with clients at the start of our time together, to identify theirs to get a firm grasp on their style of intimacy. Then utilise both of ours within the experience to make the most of it (having the same love language is a treat).”
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“Emotionally, Mr Phillips added, “it’s so easy to get caught up in a moment that snowballs out of control when there are the right elements of comfort, chemistry and consent.”
“The curse being that with such a high comes a crash and it would be naive to think that you can run on that high forever.”
“So, having that proper care afterwards is so important – especially for women who haven’t had such exhilarating experience for a long time, if ever.”
“I have definitely discovered an attraction to a wider range of women since becoming an escort. That has helped me get the heart pumping to the right areas, since I don’t use Viagra to help my performance.”
“Every woman is unique and beautiful in their own way, it doesn’t matter whether they are tall, short, petite, curvy, have tattoos or scars… etc. I clearly communicate to them how I aim to let it happen organically and if a certain body part doesn’t work then there are always other things we can do until it does or take things as slow as necessary.”
“This isn’t a porno and I’m not Johnny Sins.”
“Since having the opportunity to explore my sexuality through my work and learning so much about women in general – it has had a secondary effect of finding things that I like about myself. Maybe that has been the role my clients have played appealing to my love language.”
We then asked Mr Phillips for his most memorable booking. He gave us two: one good, one bad. Let’s begin with the bad.
“Two experiences come to mind. The first was a last-minute ‘couple’ booking that was a bit of a role play for the lady, I was her partner’s mate from work that he invited back to have some fun. It was an intensely great experience for everyone involved and thoroughly expressed afterwards that they would like to see me again.”
So far so good? Not so fast.
“On my way home when counting what I had made, I was unfortunately short-handed by about 20%. I requested the rest to be transferred. He was adamant that it was a good amount for the time I was there and that I should appreciate that.”
“I had to reiterate that I run a business and not committing to the quote that was agreed upon was disrespectful and undervaluing me professionally as well as my self-worth. He then paid the outstanding balance and told me that I would not see them again. I would prefer to be paid than be promised work.”
The next memory is much better.
“The second was my experience with a well-organised couple. They booked months in advance for the entire weekend. They live such a different lifestyle to anyone I have met. This was like a glimpse into the world of the extremely wealthy in every aspect, they have such a love for each other that I can only admire and aspire to achieve.”
“They would stay at a highly esteemed hotel and although they would stay in the penthouse, they would provide me with my own room for the weekend. So, I would meet them in the afternoon to enjoy some great conversations and amazing food until late into the evening when things get heated.”
“I would treat the wife to a very sensual, slow and intimate time that builds in intensity and tempo. The husband would often sit back and enjoy witnessing her state of euphoria, he’s always there and I prefer it that way.”
“So that they both know they’re safe and open to everything that transpires with support of one another. This may go for hours so when the fun slowed down, he would get us water and towels to cool down before going again.”
“At the end of the evening, we would lay together talk about it all to decompress before I head back to my room to sleep. It was so memorable for so many reasons – their love for each other from teenage sweethearts to a successful family resonated such ideals that I was grateful to be a part of their space and appreciated the trust they had in me to explore their fantasies.”
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That’s not the only booking that has really stuck with Mr Phillips: “Another booking that really affected me was with a lovely lady in her 40s that had been through a lot in life and after everything she had been through, she hadn’t been with a man before. After sitting and talking for quite some time about life and getting a better understanding on what she is looking for from me, it was clear that my purpose in this instance was to help her meet those expectations of experiencing intimacy for the first time.”
“I knew I had to take things slowly as there was no way to gauge her boundaries and expectations sexually as she didn’t have any form of reference. So, we took everything gradually and went for a psychologically comforting approach. Then afterwards we shared a shower together and held each other, in that moment of warm running water she began to cry thinking that it was all over and going to end.”
“That hit hard. I felt I needed to reassure her that experiencing such a high has a cost and yes it may end for the moment just as fast as it all began, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen again. I am not going anywhere anytime soon, this high doesn’t need to go to waste and she can relive it all in the future, she should cherish the memory in the meantime and no one can take that away from her.”
“This affected me so much in showing me the power that this type of work can have and how life-enhancing it is when done right.”
As for the loneliness crisis the events of 2020 and 2021 have brought about, Mr Phillips told DMARGE the following:
“Australia is in the grips of a loneliness crisis, everyone’s grasping for affection, attention and human connection in a digital age.”
Why? Mr Phillips thinks loneliness is “more prevalent since the global crisis that claimed our social avenues for the past year and a half.”
How does he see his role in this?
“I see my independent role as minuscule to the potential high demand from women. I can only see so many clients per week – even I’m limited by time and energy. Although I feel I am tackling the taboo for women paying for such services, I hope I am opening the doors for other like-minded people to provide similarly emotionally supportive services.”
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“I see my role in helping those that may have trouble finding someone or value their time for that intimate connection,” Mr Phillips added. “About 60% of my clients are married women who come to me for comfort and connection.”
“The image of a client’s wedding rings on the bedside table is something that I see often. The rings are symbolic, and clients prefer to remove them before being intimate with someone other than their husbands.”
“About 98% of the time, their husbands are aware they are seeing an escort.”
“I think the role of the escort can only help with a cultural compromise, I believe that this ‘loneliness crisis’ can prompt a response for escort type services to thrive and benefit the public, at the cost of confronting a major taboo surrounding the public’s opinion of whether they are willing to value that connectivity with an equal exchange financially.”
This then prompts the question of “whether they’re prepared to be vulnerable to a stranger,” Mr Phillips said.
“Are people willing to take on their insecurities to benefit themselves?”
“No one grows inside their comfort zones so my prediction would be that some will and some won’t. People are going to do what they want to do, irrelevant of whether they should, or not, and I will be here for those that would like my services.”