You may walk into the bedroom as confidently as you do the boardroom, and think that you are god’s gift to your partner. But, that may not always be the case. Just because you know your own body and what you do and don’t like, doesn’t mean you have an automatic understanding of your partner’s needs.
Communication is key, after all, and if you’re too proud or arrogant to take the advice or guidance of your partner, then you can’t expect too many good responses to, “Woah, that was great, was that good for you?”
Fortunately, if you’ve found yourself in a bit of a rut, we’ve reached out to one of Australia’s leading dating and relationship coaches, Samantha Jayne, to find out her top bedroom (and relationship) advice you should be taking on board for 2023.
What Happens Outside Of The Bedroom, Significantly Impacts What Happens In The Bedroom
Samantha’s first tip refers to the fact you can’t just expect to go about your daily lives and assume all will be well in the bedroom; things can become predictable and stagnate.
“What I mean by that is meeting each other’s needs and/or love languages, such as being kind, affectionate and meeting your partner’s need for variety and adventure. This could going on dates and making them feel important which is all about feeling significant and valued, meeting their need for certainty such as feeling safe.”
“If you want to have a good sex life then you need to fill your partner’s emotional bank, so that they will want to connect with you and it builds a closer bond. With a closer bond, brings more desire.”
“If you argue or give ultimatums and they feel like they are second to the rest of the things in your life, then intimacy will suffer and so will sex.”
Watch Your Emotions
We can all get irritated, agitated or even angry at various situations, even petty ones, such as breaking a glass or stubbing your toe on the coffee table. These outbursts, especially those that involve you arguing with your partner, could impact your sex life more than you may think.
“Anger is a turn off,” Samantha relates. “It kills attraction, as do conditions; ‘if you do this then that will happen, or if you don’t do this then there will be consequences.'”
“Showing feelings of love, appreciation, and support will bring you closer together outside of the bedroom, which opens up the opportunity to reconnect and then explore each others’ needs and wants.”
We may talk incessantly about the importance of first, second or third dates in the potential lead up to a full-blown relationship, and many couples may feel they no longer need to ‘date’ since they’re already in a committed relationship. Samantha says this way of thinking needs to change.
“Remember, no matter how long you have been together, you must date each other. Take them out some time to turn off Netflix and social media and go and explore a new location, have a weekend away, try a new restaurant. Adding excitement into your life will spice things up for sure.”
“Spice things up by giving each other a massage with candles, and it could be a good opportunity for role play to see how responsive your partner is. If nerves get in the way, a little dutch courage goes a long way, so bring out the champers and wine.”
We alluded to it at the beginning of this article, but communication really is an important factor with regards to maintaining a healthy relationship, according to Samantha.
“This means spicing things up in the bedroom. You can talk about what you want in a way in which it inspires your partner, rather than diving into demands of ‘I want you to do this’, say something like, ‘I like it when you…it feels so good..you know what else I’d really like?’. It’s the perfect structure to softly get what you want and educate your partner.”
Chances are many of us piled on the Covid kilos during the numerous lockdowns placed upon us over the past couple of years. It’s understandable, but now lockdowns are pretty much a thing of the past, it’s time to get back in the saddle and work on becoming a healthier you.
“Being fit increases endorphins and makes you look and feel better, which will naturally increase desire from your partner,” Samantha adds.
“You can get hot and sweaty together, your partner will love seeing you lift weights and your veins pumping. You could even start to make suggestions about what you want when you’re finished, being suggestive is key to spicing up the relationship.”
“Try something new: new lingeries, an erotic movie, tantra. The new experience will add excitement and spice things up. Talk about what you like vs. what you want.
So, there we have it fellas, some foolproof advice that will inevitably improve your relationship. Now, just don’t tell your partner you’ve read this page, take the advice on board and you’ll have them pleasantly surprised in no time.