You’ve found yourself a date on Tinder, been on a few awkward dinners and engaged in a bit of under-the-covers fun. You’ve even caught feelings and you’re now Facebook official. Sounds great, but now the question is: how do you go from being together for a few weeks to a few years, and potentially more?
No, you don’t need counselling; you need the women of Reddit, a thread that so often proves to be a fountain of knowledge and wisdom when it comes to any relationship queries. Rather than just “go with the flow,” or “take each day as it comes” the women of Reddit have some rather insightful advice for anyone wanting to know what they can expect from a long-term lover, or those looking to reinvigorate their relationship.
The resounding answer from many of the responses is open communication. After all, your long-term partner is someone you potentially, hopefully, want to spend the rest of your life with so you should be able to talk to them about anything. Right?
“This is the person you are with for a long long time. You should never be afraid to tell the other person what you’re feeling or if something is making you uncomfortable”, claims first responder Dtazlyon.
“They should know you better than anyone else in the world. Tact is important, but be open to being uncomfortable.”
HermesMiha backs up this claim: “Communicate honestly. If there is a problem, talk through it together. No screaming at each other or insulting each other, no passive-aggressive behaviour or silent treatments. Discuss your issues together like adults.”
All couples fight. It’s natural. You’re not always going to see eye to eye, but as HermesMiha says, try and be tolerant of one another: “Pick and choose your battles. Sometimes things are a minor annoyance or not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You don’t want to turn every little thing into an issue.”
Another point, made by LizzyBarry, can resonate with both men and women: “You genuinely need to like the other person. I’m not talking love, I’m talking LIKE.”
“You need to enjoy being around them and enjoy who they are as a person.”
And fellas, we know we can all be stubborn at times, but if you’ve had an argument with your partner, diffusing the situation is nearly always the right move: “Apologise. Even if you are not in the wrong, a simple ‘I’m sorry I have upset you’ goes a long way”, says SmallChallenge. We’re sure this one will be met with some skepticism.
And it may sound obvious, but another common answer given is to continuously give your all to the relationship, as b_tchwithopiniopns says.
“Don’t stop putting effort in your relationship. Whether it be date nights, or spontaneous gestures, or even just trying to improve your relationship, just don’t stop trying.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can always get away with the bargain servo flowers you picked up on your way home.
The whole thread is a treasure trove of good advice, and all of it focuses on ways to keep the relationship going, as opposed to saying “if you’re looking for advice, perhaps it’s best to end it.”
Now take forth your newfound knowledge and be the man she wants you to be.