In a recent Married At First Sight episode, one of the contestants, Andrew Davis, made an interesting comment to his bride, Holly Greenstein.
Andrew told Holly that he’s “a very sexual person”, he’s had “roughly 350 sexual partners” and she would greatly “benefit from” his experience in the bedroom. Holly reacted to this rather impertinent information with nothing but grace.
Holly then shared that she wanted to have a baby sooner rather than later as her egg count is low due to her age. Andrew initially reacted rather warmly but then quickly started acting like an absolute dick. He distanced himself from Holly, accused her of putting “too much pressure” on him, stopped sleeping in the same bed as her and was, frankly, straight-up cold-blooded towards her.
When Holly expressed how this behaviour upset her – in a calm and reasonable way – he said he’s “not responsible” for how she feels. Andrew then continued to defend his behaviour by saying “I’m just being me; my authentic self.”
It reminded me of that popular adage ‘if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best’, and it got me thinking whether this proverb that seems to pop up on social media all the time, is actually correct.
Australia’s leading Relationship Expert and Dating Coach, Samantha Jayne thinks the saying’s original meaning has definitely been twisted by people to vindicate their “bad behaviour.”
“It can be an excuse for bad behaviour – especially if someone shows anger and other denigrating behaviours and is very demanding and conditional.
It is awful to be around someone like that… often, it’s a sign of a dysfunctional person with a possible personality disorder.”
However, Samantha does explain the saying’s original meaning – that if someone is not the best version of themself but they’re sincerely trying to improve – is totally valid, and if your partner’s going through a difficult time but doing their best, you should support them.
“If someone is going through a rough patch and they are doing what they can to overcome the hurdle, they may not be their best version [but] it’s okay not to expect perfection… the whole ‘love me, warts and all’ [philosophy], when someone is genuinely trying to better themselves, is okay.”
So, take note: if you’re going through a rough time and take it out on your partner or friends, make sure you apologise and try your darndest not to do it again. But if you just act like a jerk and make hurtful comments, then excuse it by saying you’re just being your ‘authentic self’, don’t be surprised if your partner and/or friends walk away; which is what Samantha advises.
“If someone continually says things that undermine or upset you and you communicate your feelings and you tell them this upsets you and they don’t change, then forget it! Life’s too short to be around someone that makes you feel less than or purposely upsets you.
If someone is their true authentic self at the expense of others then… Raise your standards and find someone that makes you feel good.”
Here’s hoping Holly finds a better partner that makes her feel good, as Andrew has now left her and Married At First Sight, and told Nova’s Fitzy and Wippa he’s already moved on and has a new girlfriend.